Non-Canon Silliness 2: Llamas with Hats

"Caaaaarl, what have you done now?"

"Whatever it was, you can't pin it on me."

"You just took down the entire Society, Carl!"

"That wasn't me, that- that was robot me."

"I watched you do it, Carl!"

"Robot me looks like me. It's like the Terminator."

"It was definitely the real you!"

"Wow, really? Then I have accomplished in ten minutes what the Kobbers are taking three whole months to do. I should get a medal."

"Carl, I watched you drop a Starburst nuke into the reactor!"

"Honest mistake, I thought that was a trash can."

"How- You pushed the Table into the resulting explosion!"

"They kept whining about me taking the Starbust nuke!"

"And then you doused the barracks with gasoline and left it to burn!"

"I was hungy, gimme a break! I like my superhumans well-done."

"Uh, Carl... What's that?"

"What's what?"

"That thing. There, on your back. What is it?"

"Would you believe me if I said... it's a papier machie modern art project?"

"Not this again, Carl!"

"Fine. It's that Stanley kid and his girlfriend."

"Caaaaaaarl!"

"They- they attacked me first! It was self-defense!"

"You know you're not allowed to kill couples!"

"Hey, I kicked plenty off that cruise ship last year. You're only just telling me this now?"

"They had a puppy, Carl!"

"Emphasis on had."

"Uuuh... Carl, shouldn't there be escape pods?"

"Hmm. you're right. Place looks empty without them."

"What did you do, Carl?"

"Probably shot them all down with that rocket launcher I found in the hold. And I loaded it with the puppies I found in the room with the cages."

"...Why does that not surprise me?"

"Well, when you're out of ammo- woah, that was a hand. Did I swallow an entire person again?"

"That would probably be that Lamont guy."

"No wonder I feel bloated."

"You are just- Why did I even consider bringing you along for this holiday?!"

"In my defence, I was planning for this before we even booked the tickets."

"I- I don't understand you, Carl!"

"Well, I have a penchant for violence and extreme sociopathy."

"...Oh."

"I don't get how you haven't figured me out by now."

An Aside - Miscommunication

"Careful with that- don't, you'll scratch the paint!"

"¡Increíble! Simply astounding!"

"Amazing workmansssship! You can hardly ssssee the sssseamssss!"

A ringing chime of amazement from Jimmy punctuated Bobby's statement as they and Marcus overlooked Pit's new jetpack. The first thing the angel did upon waking up was put the thing on and zoom straight over to Delia's house, where the gang were having a big shared breakfast in celebration of their achievements on the stage. Needless to say, Bobby was still covered in bacon grease after the dramatic entrance Pit made, but that was a minor concern right now as the half-Japanese collection of snakes gaped at the machine Celestia had made. Even Marcus, who knew as much about machines as a rabbit knows about space travel, could appreciate the time and effort put into the contraption.

"And you ssssay it'ssss sssself-powered? Remarkable!" Bobby was currently examining the fan on the back of the device, their multiple tongues flickering in curiosity.

Pit positively beamed, his wings flapping reflexively. "That's right - it's all air power! All I have to do is flap my wings and I'm airborne!"

Jimmy, having colaesced into a solid form with mutliple feelers, rattled with wonder as he traced the contours of the jetpack's form with one tentacle. He did this gingerly, of course, in order that Pit wouldn't chew him out for scratching the paint.

"I know, right? To think that thissss Ccccelesssstia woman made thissss marveloussss contraption jusssst for Featherssss here!"

Pit chuckled a little, rubbing the back of his head with one hand. "Well, I did tell her about my... disability, and she was more than happy to help. At least I can go up to Cloud Seven and get hammered with Gabe now."

"Sssshe musssst be a really wonderful persssson." A rare complement - Bobby was not one for doling out praise to just anyone.

"Yeah, she is."

A sudden grin appeared on Marcus' spine-stubbled face. "Oh, I see how it is, amigo," he chuckled, propping the jetpack down on the sofa were it wouldn't be damaged.

Pit blinked in confusion. "Do you?"

"Of course!" The catcus man boomed with good-natured laughter as he put one burly arm around the angel's shoulder. "I was the same with Delia when I first met her, and believe me, I know flechazo when I first see it! It's only natural you'd want to repay this girl for helping you out!"

A mixture of comprehension and nervous terror creeped upon Pit. Marcus thought that he... fancied Celestia? How the hell did he even come to that conclusion?! Yes, she'd helped the angel to fly, after all these years, but he barely even knew her! That was hardly grounds for something like that! More to the point, she was already a mother, and in Pit's considered opinion: ew, no, no way, no thank you. There were boundaries even the angel wouldn't cross, not even for a hundred bags of candy!

"Uh, heh heh, very funny, Marcus. But I don't-"

"Oh, don't worry, chico!" Marcus continued to talk as he guided Pit to the window, still talking and gesturing enthusiastically. "You can count on me to help you out! Firstly, you'll need to take her out-"

Pit tried again. "Marcus, you've got the wrong-"

"-not a drive-thru movie, you need to show her you have standards! I hear that Titanic movie is pretty good-"

Bobby had a go. "Marcussss, that'ssss not-"

"-burritos won't do, of course! Something appropriate, like lamb and mint sauce! Then you-"

Jimmy rattled something in his language.

"-and then you look her in the eyes, hold her hands and tell her how much she-"

"Oh, for fuck's sake..." Pit slowly dropped his face into both palms, not even listening to Marcus anymore. Of all the ways he wanted the day to start off... well, this wasn't the wosrt, but it was certaintly going to make the top five list. Even Bobby and Jimmy had given up, watching their friend endure the lecture with expressions of sympathetic pain.

They didn't even notice the white llama trot by the window. We'll get to that later.

Steel Komodo's Character Conference (A.K.A, the Bandwagon Brouhaha)

Alright, everybody shut up and pay attention. I know it looks like I'm jumping on the bandwagon of RP character meetings, and that's because it is. But if we all pitch in, we'll be able to sort out all my RP issues in one stroke. So let's begin.

Solomon, anything to declare?

"Yes. When are you going to resolve this thing with Jonah and Lucy?"

"Aye, laddie! Jonah's been a-rantin' in his home for ages, and Lucy seems tae have fallen asleep!"

"I wanna break more stuuuuuuuuuuuuff!"

"And I want to bring that despicable sinner to justice!"

Look, guys, I'm sorry about this, but it's hard to juggle two plots at once. Especially when one is an insane supercriminal breaking stuff for giggles and the other is happy fun-times in Shakespeareland.

"Lies and Slander. You're just scared of inciting the wrath of everyone else in the bar because you're the only one who dares challenge the heretic."

And I suppose you know all about that, don't you, being the most hated character so far?

"Hmph."

Trust me, as soon as I get the immediate thing out of the way - that is, the Othello thing - then you guys will be back in action.

"Yaaaaay! Kablooie, Kablammy!"

"On a side note, how will Lucy's destruction of the Sintendo Building affect Pit?"

Still working on that. Hmmm, wonder who was in the building when Lucy blew it up?

"...Bloody Hell, ye're evil."

Yes I am. Anyone else?

"STOP MAKING ME LOOK AWKWARD IN FRONT OF ALL THE GIRLS D:"

"No, keep doing it, it'ssss hilarioussss."

"Shut up, no it isn't! Just because your jealous of my amazing-"

Stop fighting, you two. Anyway, the Othello performance is tonight, unless it conflicts with anything else, so make sure you've practiced your lines and got your costumes ready, OK?

"Sure thing, amigo. Hope you lot have been practicing!"

"When have I not been practicing?"

"Um, you haven't introduced me to the rest of the bar yet."

Suck it, you're the boring one.

Well, that was an oddly short meeting. Guess I haven't got as many RP issues as I thought I did. Right, file out in an orderly-

"Erm, boss? There's a floatin' llama ootside who wants tae talk to ye aboot this adventure 'ee's goin' on."

...Wait, llamas can talk now?