King of Time - Interlude

 "Why do you eat your hot dog like that?"

Vince was supposed to be eating a hot dog. But he wasn't, because he was distracted with the way Kouta was eating his hot dog.

"Why do you eat it like that?"

Kouta was sitting on the opposite end of the table from him. His cheeks were full and his jaw was working. But he was glaring back with childish defiance.

"I hate it when you eat your hot dog from the middle."

Vince's hot dog was untouched. But Kouta's had a bite right in the centre. Not the place one usually begins eating a hot dog. Vince had never seen anyone eat a hot dog this way, and now that he had, his world was crumbling from beneath him.

"Stop eating the middle of the hot dog and eat it the right way."

Kouta said nothing. He continued to chew and glare. The bite in the middle of the hot dog persisted.

"Why are you doing this to me, kid? You're driving me crazy."

Did others eat their hot dogs this way? Vince wasn't sure. But the fact that Kouta, aka Kamen Rider Zi-O, had just done it had horrible implications. Somewhere out there, there was a cabal of heretics who ate hot dogs in this perverse faction. Convinced that this was the proper way to dine on a sausage between bread and smothered with toppings.

He could not allow this. It was time to be the cool mentor guy again.

"Okay, look," said Vince, picking up his hot dog. "This is how you do it. You take the weiner out of  the bun-"

"Are you crazy?!" howled Kouta.

~FIN~

Carol's Christmas Caper

The hardest part of Christmas, as far as Carol was concerned, wasn't the dinner. Nor was it getting the decorations up, or the cards written. This was mostly because, like any sane technopath, she cheated and used machines to do all of that for her - on the off chance that they worked correctly, of course. Daniel still wouldn't let her forget the time that the AutoTree had decided it wanted to be a rocket ship and left a huge hole in the ceiling, way back in 2015.

No, the hardest part was trying to get Sine a present.

Cauren was easy. Cauren hadn't seen half of what modern human civilization had to offer, and thus would be happy with quite a lot of things. It was basically like shopping for a kid all over again. But Sine... Sine was the sort of person who'd already been mostly everywhere, had already had everything at least twice and was most certainly not wanting for anything. And Carol was pretty sure that a Netflix subscription wasn't going to cut it.

No, this present had to be special. Because when one went gift-hunting for Sine, one had to go to some very great lengths.

And so it was that, one night, Carol borrowed the Sifter and began her search.

Stand By Me

WARNING: The following post contains material that certain readers may find upsetting. Reader discretion is advised.

~AUSTRALIA, EARTH ZF-02~

Approx. Twenty Years in the Future...

"Bee?"

"Yeah, Vee?"

The fire crackled, a badly-applied splat of scarlet and orange against the inky black canvas of the desert sand. The sky above was not quite dark, the last flickers of an evening sun daubing the edge of the horizon in duck-egg blue that faded to navy. Stars dotted the plane like the painter of this ongoing metaphor has lost all patience and was now just randomly flicking his brush at his own easel in frustration with the world in general. And, at the very edge of the splat, sat two figures - one blond, the other brunet, lazily draped within the back seat of a mud-splattered car of unidentifiable make.

The brunet, Vee, had turned open, honest green eyes towards his companion, Bee, as he spoke. His voice was the voice of the quiet, gentle European boy down the road who helped with the shopping, and should not have come from what looked like a wind-battered drifter, sand and grit stuck in his spiky brown hair. He looked too young - both did, somewhere in the awkward transition between teens and adulthood. And yet their dishevelled appearance granted them the look of people who had been dealt a bum hand in the great poker game of life, and had no choice but to keep plowing through the dirt to carry on.

"You ever wonder how long we've been doing this?" Vee continued.

Saint Patrick's Dirk (Belated)

"Dirk?"

Dirk made a noise like a hippo imitating a V10 engine, but didn't move.

"Dirk," groaned Pit, "wake up already."

"Just let me stick to what I'm good at, yeah?" grumbled the dark angel, and rolled over

"Would it help if I kicked you?" Pit was starting to get irritated as well.

"Would it give you any satisfaction?" was Dirk's reply, shifting position a little.

"No."

"Me neither, so bugger off. Why is this bed so hard?"

"Because," said Pit, with the tone a primary school teacher uses to address a particularly stupid child, "it is not your bed. It is the hood of a Lamborghini which has been crashed through-"

Dirk was bolt upright in an instant, ignoring the telltale throb of a hangover as he looked around. What he thought was his bedroom turned out to be the dining room, which had undergone a startling transformation since he had last seen it - a lot of green paper shamrocks were pinned to the roofs, and one wall featured a poster of a leprechaun bearing the most tortured cereal-mascot smile possible. The counter surface was littered in empty bottles and glasses of varying descriptions, and an unidentifiable liquid substance was splattered on the floor - probably a spit drink of some kind.

What was more startling, he discovered when he turned his head, was the massive hole in the wall. And the Lamborghini Reventón stuck halfway through it, the hood of which he was currently sitting on. Somehow, despite the forces required for a car like this to break through a solid brick wall, it didn't have a single scratch on it, looking as though it had walked freshly from the factory.

There was a long pause whilst Dirk tried to correlate all this information.

"...and when did this get here?" he tried, at last.

"How the heck should I know?!" cried Pit, throwing up his hands in frustration. "You're the one who crashed it into our house!"

"Let's not shout, okay?" hissed Dirk, bringing up a hand to his forehead. Here came the hangover - and it wasn't a pretty one, lancing through his brain like a javelin made of sandpaper and hedgehogs. With an effort, he pushed himself upright, slid off the hood of the Lambo and staggered around to investigate it. Might as well do something productive, if only to ignore the massive amounts of ranting from Pit he could foresee.

"Looks new," he muttered under his breath as he inspected it. "Hardly done a few miles, I should think."

"Do you have any idea," Pit was beginning to say, "of how much this is gonna cost us. Wes Weasley will be laughing all the way back home - if we can even get him to do something about this!" Dirk pointedly ignored him and peered through the window of the car, taking in the blurry images of black leather, brown Alcantara and several crates of-

"Holy shit," he cried despite the resurgence in head pain. "It's full of beer!"

"Not to mention," Pit went on, "that somebody obviously owns that car, and we're going to have to do a hell of a lot of explaining when we give it back to them!"

"None of it's even open!" Dirk added, still ignoring him as he wrenched the door open and bent over to inspect the goods.

"And how are we-?" Pit suddenly trailed to a stop, and for a moment there was silence. And then the audible smacking noise made Dirk turn his head around, finding his brother with one hand over his mouth and shoulder shaking in a fit of hysterical laughter. His eyes seemed to be aimed downwards, for some reason...

"What?" was the dark angel's confused question.

By way of reply, because he was still giggling fit to burst, Pit suddenly whipped out the Mirror Shield and held it up.

And right there, emblazoned across the seat of the shamrock-green Speedos that were the only piece of clothing Dirk had on, were the words "KISS ME, I'M IRISH".

-------

Some say you could hear Dirk's scream of horror from five miles away.

Jam vs. Peanut Butter

~RMS WILL OF IRON, G.S.O HIGH-SECURITY PRISON, ATLANTIC OCEAN~

Of all the places to keep supervillains, the RMS Will of Iron had two major advantages over the others.

Firstly, it was floating in the middle of the ocean. Any supervillain worth their salt knew that a prison in the middle of the ocean wasn't worth breaking out of. Guard dogs they could handle, electric fences and shield domes were easy enough, but the fickle mistress that was the sea was more daunting than a thousand dogs or twenty miles of fencing. What was the point of trying to escape if, almost immediately afterwards, you had to deal with sharks, currents and storms that made all the fanciest robot guards look pleasant by comparison? On the whole, anyone who ended up in here preferred constant boredom to the threat of drowning.

Secondly, it had the one thing no other major supervillain prison had tried - the counseling and rehabilitation center. The Global Superhero Operation had argued that, on the off-chance a villain was truly repentant of their crimes, then they should be given the opportunity to reinstate themselves as functioning members of society. This viewpoint was met with a lot of derision from the public at first, especially considering the damage supervillains did to major cities every year, but when Emperor Malady was released into the public and ended up with a well-paid financing job, you had to admire the results.

And it had seemed to be working for the man known as Doctor Vortex, too. He had come to the Will of Iron a gibbering wreck, babbling nonsense about his destroyed base and condiments that none could make sense of. But, piece by piece, he'd slowly been transitioning back into Damien Harolds, the mild-mannered - if somewhat jumpy - mathematician and science major from Manhattan. As long as you didn't put any spreadables near him, he was an affable chap who was easy to get along with, and the wardens had high hopes for his eventual release.

The fateful day started off like any other day. Damien had got up, got showered and dressed - all in a very punctual fashion, as was his way. He had walked into the communal kitchen area, ready to prepare himself a healthy breakfast of bran flakes and orange juice. He had just turned the television on - some asinine fashion show was on, but he couldn't care less - and had just poured himself out a rather measured dose of the cereal. So far, so good.

And then he'd turned to get the milk and saw a blue-coloured face upon the screen.

"That's right, y'all! My Super Swimwear Special begins this May, showing off all the hottest and skimpiest Fornax summer fashions live from the glitz and glamour of fa-bu-lous Las Vegas! So if you wanna get an eyeful of yours truly - and I know you do~ - hit up our website and buy yourself a ticket to this once-in-a-lifetime fashion opportunity! Featuring live music by Ironheade, Patrick O'Batahan and so much more, as well as free pizza to our first 5'000 lucky guests! This is Lisa, leaving you with..."

GLORP.

"CHIMICHANGAS!"

Three hours later, and the border patrol guards got the shock of their lives as a giant robot squid suddenly punched it's way out of the complex, dived beneath the ocean and vanished. Just how long it had been built in secret, or where the materials came from, none could say or even venture to guess. And the man on security that day, a notorious slacker and donut addict, was fired for not noticing the blaring alarms or the massive hole in the cellar wall where the machine had broken out as it first roared into action.

But the point was, Doctor Vortex had relapsed. And, more pressingly, escaped.

Pink Friday

"Come on, Beck, try to keep up!"

"I'm coming, dad- ACK!"

"Oh, my gosh! Are you alright?"

"Yeah, mom, I'm fine. It's just... oh, why do we have to do our Christmas shopping now, of all days?"

"Because all the shops put their best deals on at this time of year. And if you want to get any of your presents, we'd be better off buying them today!"

"Yeah, but everyone else has thought so, too, haven't they? Look at all these crowds!"

"He's got a point, Melody. I've never seen it this bad in all my life. Not since the Great Crush of '87!"

"Yes, and it was a good job Rush was there, otherwise poor old Light wouldn't have made it! Honestly, the way these shops make such a fuss about Christmas nowadays-"

"Um, guys? I can't find Uncle James."

"...Oh, great. I told him to stay right behind us! He's probably gotten swept away or lost now!"

"Calm down, Rock. We have our phones, remember? We'll just-

"...What's that coming towards-"

"CITIZENS!"

"Your king... has arrived~"

"..."

"..."

"...Mom, dad, I wanna go home."

-------

And people wonder why Beck doesn't go Christmas shopping.

Goats

(Special thanks to The Deleter for the concept and for writing Jonesy! And also to CW and FV for giving their blessing to this!)

Anyone visiting the Svilzerian household this particular afternoon would hear the strangest-goings on.

"Ha ha ha, that guy just flew, like, fifty feet!"

"My head is clipping through the wall, what is this?!"

The source would be a blonde and a redhead, hunched over a laptop and cackling like hyenas. Jonesy  and Carol, to be precise, the marine having invited the technopath over for the day to stave off boredom whilst their respective friends were busy. And a few beers seemed like a good way to pass the time - several bottles were, in fact, littering the surface of the desk at that particular moment. But that had just been the setup,  the actual source of the hilarity confined to what the two women happened to be playing on Carol's laptop.

That being co-op Goat Simulator.

Jam: Origins

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Midly NSFW image has been linked in this post. Original art made by Legend20x)

-------

~Undisclosed Island in the Pacific~

All evil villains have secret bases. This is an immutable fact of the universe, in the same way that sheep bleat and the sky is blue. Doctor Vortex was no exception - he'd paid good money for his new Fortress of Doom, and he was desperate to avoid the torrid financial difficulty his previous one suffered. He'd paid off the loan early this time, and had gone to great lengths to ensure it looked the part - radar dishes, a giant freeze ray sticking out of the top and robot guards patrolling the ground 24/7. All in all, it was a place a criminal mastermind like him could call home.

All evil villains also have secret doomsday weapons, too. The freeze ray, however, was not one of them - what with most superheroes able to deflect it's beam with a mere flick of their chin nowadays, it had spent most of it's time gathering dust. On top of this, funding for anything bigger was stymied by his diamond-smuggling operations in Kenya being repeatedly foiled by animal-themed heroes with increasingly ridiculous names and costumes. Knowing full well that it was only a matter of time before the United Nations hunted him down, Vortex had figured out that what he needed was a nuclear option, a last-ditch resort that would ensure his legacy wouldn't be trampled to dust by the judgmental feet of law-abiding society.

Three whole months of planning, graft and shouting at his employees later, and he had it. It was genius. It was a miracle of science.

And it was currently slopping it's way out of the jar onto the table of the labs in Science Department V.

Outwardly, it resembled a dark blue liquid, similar in consistency and appearance (and scent) to blueberry jam. In reality, it was a cluster of thousands of nanobots, granted a small amount of self-awareness via a shared intelligence network. It's primary directive was to consume organic matter by breaking it down into it's component molecules, then convert those molecules into more nanobots of it's type, effectively growing in size. The idea was that, should the forces of justice finally get the better of him, Vortex would release it, allowing it to consume everything on his secluded island base and destroy all traces of his operation.

The idea looked good on paper. But paper is a flimsy thing that goes see-through when you rub grease on it.

The Jam, as it was informally known, was slowly slithering it's way towards a laptop computer that had been left on the table by a careless scientist who had gotten sick of entering data. Since the action of converting molecules from one type to another consumed large amounts of energy, the nanobots were also programmed to seek out sources of electricity to recharge themselves. And right now, their sensors were telling them that there was a source of electricity right up ahead, and they needed to recharge promptly after a whole day of exhausting tests that had drained their batteries.

Sadly, whilst they were very good at finding electrical sources, they hadn't been programmed to distinguish different types of outlets very well - it had been made on a budget, after all. And thus when the Jam oozed alongside the laptop and prepared to recharge, it inserted itself not into a mains socket, as it had assumed it was doing, but rather the USB port.

This is what it thought as it found itself suddenly absorbing the entirety of the Internet into itself.

All five million terabytes of it.

-------

-aaaaaaaaaaarrrrggghlblboklpbfojgidonejignjrekbgjerbadger don't care! Honey badger don't give a-

...wait, what are we on about? 

Steel Komodo's Character Interviews 2014 - The Results

Alright, thank you all for coming back on such short notice.

 

"It would have been better if I hadn't been in the middle of a job. And did you have to bring the Barbarian along?!"

 

"It does feel a little like gloating, no offense meant."

 

"Oh, aye? Yer jest jealous Aa'm in an' yer not~"

 

Yes, yes, calm down. Anyway, it's time to reveal the result of the voting, which I probably should have done earlier but...

 

"But you had forgotten your main characters needed an introduction, heh heh."

 

Correct.

 

Anyway, this is how it works. I roll the tractor, just as JRM does on FYM, except I do it twice. The first result gets a permanent spot on the roster, and the second - the runner-up - will become a FYM regular and minor character. Sound fair enough?

 

 "(The Chief is in agreement.)"

 

Alright, let's do this...

 

Steel Komodo's Character Interviews 2014 - Voting!

Are you all quite done beating the shit out of me?

 

 "Yes."

 

Thank fuck, because I think I'm going to be in this wheelchair for quite a while.

 

 "Frankly, I think it is still a miracle the desk emerged unscathed."

 

Yes, well... Look, here's the thing - I was originally going to sign up four characters per setting, but then I remembered Carol was coming back because...

 

 "Because Sine is returning?"

 

...Yes. So I had to make up a new opening on the fantasy side pretty quickly, and since Barbara managed to get her application in first I put her onto the main roster. There's still a space left for one of you guys to get in, but I'll have to get them reviewed first.

 

 "And how is that done, my lad?"

 

Oh, that goes to the comittee, who reads each one and makes an informed decision about who whould get in and who shouldn't. I'll feed you all the results as soon as I can.

 

Now go away, I have to mourn my shattered ribs. Ow.

 

"Metal lizard has bones like young gazelle."

 

-------

 

Yes, it's time! Time for you, the public forumgoers, to vote on who should make their official debut into ZFRP 2014! Simply vote the same as you would in a Fite or for Monster Mash and I'll tally then up as soon as I have a large-enough pool of votes to put in. Your choices are:

• Lord Geo "Le Bello" Dampierre, the famous con-man and criminal noble!
• Chief Thunder, the plains-wandering native with vengeance on his mind!
• The Tactician, a mysterious youth from parts unknown!
• Ymir the Tusk, the Terror from the Barrier with a deadly left hook!
• Count von Sabrewulf, the regal Lycanthrope in search of a cure!

If you haven't already, check out the cases they have made on my blog, then get to voting in the comments! First place ensures a definite spot in the roster, whilst the runner-up has the potential to become a FYM regular over the year.

 

VOTE NOW!

Steel Komodo's Character Interviews 2014 - Sabrewulf

Uuuuurgh... my head. What happened? Where am I? And more importantly, why is my desk not a shattered mess?

 

AAH A WOLF D:

 

"Good evening, sir. I apologize for my current state, but my formal clothes no longer fit me."

...Oh, yes. Count von Sabrewulf, was it? You're the last one I have to interview before I can start the voting.

"Indeed. Oh, I see you have a mahogany desk! And an expensive one, too!"

Trust me, you won't believe how much it cost. And it's had no end of bad things happen to it.

"Yes, I heard about what happened with the Barbarian. Most unfortunate - the previous one was an antique, I hear. What a waste..."

I'm still a bit sore about that, to be honest...

Steel Komodo's Character Interviews 2014 - Tusk

Last time on Steel Komodo's Character Interviews...

WHY IS THE WATER COOLER EMPTY D:

We now return to your regularly scheduled programme...

-------

Jesus H. Christ, who forgot to fill up the water cooler?! I swear, when I find the guy responsible for this, I am going to-

Oh. Here comes my next interviewee.

 

 

"Ah, I hope I am not too late, friend!"

 

No, you're just in time. Come on, have a-

 

...you brought beer.

 

"Well, I heard you were in a bit of difficulty! Hah, hah! Fancy a swig?"

 

You, sir, are a lifesaver. Give me that.

 

Aaaaah, that's better. Shall we get this underway, then?

 

"Why not?"

 

Steel Komodo's Character Interviews 2014 - Dampierre

"Sir, I have good news and bad news."

 

Start with the good news, please.

 

"Your replacement desk has been ordered and will arrive in short order. On top of that, we have now accepted Barbara's application and made her a permanent member of the roster."

 

...and the bad news?

 

"Lord Dampierre is here to see you."

 

Ugh... Send him in.

 

 

"Ho ho! Le Bello apologizes for the lateness, dear boy! It's just that I'd got into a rather unfortunate scrape involving some armed guards, a priceless painting and-"

 

Save the theatrics for later, Dampierre. Are you finally ready to hand in that bloody application or what?

 

"Of course, my lad! Here you go - signed in triplicate, as promised!"

 

...Half of these signatures are-

 

"Oh, but Le Bello has to take precautions, does he not? After all, some people simply can't be trusted nowadays! Oh, your desk is a frightful mess!"

 

A barbarian put an axe in it. Anyway, shall we begin?

 

"But of course! Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!"

 

Steel Komodo's Character Interviews 2014 - Barbara

Hmm... Quiet day in the office today. I was sure there was some newcomer I was meant to interview, but maybe they decided not to come in. I mean, God knows Dampierre is taking ages to-

 

CRASH

 

"HA'WAAAAAAY THA' LAAAAAADS!"

 

JESUS CHRIST D:

 

 

"Wha' d'yer think o' that, eh? Canny entrance fer a canny lass!"

 

Did you have to destroy half my office to pull it off!? And look what you did to my desk!

 

"Ah, git ower yersel', bonnie lad! Ain't nowt te be afeared on! Bit o' polish ought te fix it oop! Noo, let's git this started already!"

 

Ugh... alright. Take a sea-

 

CRUNCH

 

...that was mahogany.

 

"Aa divvent care, laddie~"

 

...Let's just get this over with.

 

Bear Accessories - A Killer Instinct Song

So Maximillian recently posted a silly video where he sings about Chief Thunder's bear costume parts in the new Killer Instinct, to the tune of Bare Necessities from Disney's Jungle Book, and you can find it here. Anyway, after watching it, I suddenly started making up extra lyrics for it, and now suddenly this is here. So get playing the video linked below and prepare to sing along.

Look for the Bear Accessories,
The simple Bear Accessories.
Forget about that ninja and his knife.

I mean the Bear Accessories!
The bear is dead, but he agrees
That brings the Bear Accessories to life!

Wherever you're playing,
Chief Thunder's your main.
So use those two axes
To bring the pain!

You can't do damage from afar,
So get in close and let us spar.
And when you're stomping on noobs like ants
Then take a glance at the fancy pants
And maybe buy a few!

The Bear Accessories of life will come to you!
They'll come to you!

Look for the Bear Accessories,
The simple Bear Accessories.
Forget about that werewolf's shitty life.

You need the Bear Accessories,
So bust those combos out with ease
To bring the Bear Accessories to life!

Now when you drop a Triplax
Cause you stood over there,
And your face Orchid's fist smacks,
Well, next time, beware!

Don't pop your ultra when you jump in!
When you pop your ultra, do it from the spin!
But you don't need to use the spin
For the Call of the Earth, you can just jump in!

Have I given you a clue?
The Bear Accessories of life will come to you!
They'll come to you!

So just try to relax, yeah?
Cool it, fall apart in Thunder's yard.
Because if you're like Glacius, playing keepaway...
Uh-uh. You're trying too hard.

And don't spend your time in the Dojo
Just messing around.
Trying for combos that can't be found.

When you find out you look swag with them on,
And play along climbing ranks with them on,
I'll tell you something true:
The Bear Accessories of life will come to you!

Look for the Bear Accessories,
The simple Bear Accessories.
Forget about that ninja and his knife.

I mean the Bear Accessories!
The bear is dead, but he agrees
That brings the Bear Accessories to life!

That brings the Bear Accessories to life!
 

100 Post Special: SK's Cutting Room Floor 2013

So, this is it. RP for 2013 is finally over, and we're off into the golden age of next year. And the best way to enter next year, as always, is arse first with eyes drunken gazing back on the events that have passed. Pairings have formed, controversies were had and jokes were laughed at, but as always there are hidden secrets - things that were considered to occur in RP but never panned out, for one reason or another. And depending on the number of characters involved, the amount of unused stuff varies.

And so, in post-RP tradition, and also in celebration of this being my 100th post on this blog, I would like to present the Steel Komodo Season 3 Cutting Room Floor, full of ideas and stuff that never got used for one reason or another. Hey, it's not Monster Mash, but at least it's something!

1) Section Zero refers to a place in Rutledge where the worst mutants are kept. In pain, insane and dangerous to themselves and others, they're hidden away in padded cells until a cure can be found for their condition. Robbie actually came from Section Zero - his psychic powers are actually quite deadly, despite being a shadow of what the Observer could do, and his cell was specially designed to dampen them in case he went as crazy as the others did. How did Daniel and Carol get him out? He's the only one allowed out for a few hours every day, so he can have a walk and stuff. Also, they give him Sparkle, which is a kind of depressant that some residents began making out of the wild mushrooms that grow outside Rutledge. Sometimes they give it to Section Zero inmates to stop them braining themselves against their cell walls.

There was also a sequence planned where, via UTG or sifter or whatever, some guys would have visteted Rutledge, probably because Robbie got kidnapped. You'd have learned a bit about how things worked there, and met the priest guy and stuff. Also, there was going to be a parody of this song when the mutants of Section Zero tell the Kobbers to take Robbie and GTFO.

2) The guy who runs Rutledge is a priestly guy who is partly based on Gill from Street Fighter 3. He's hoping that, somehow, he can find a way to make the mutants he has in his asylum to rebuild society, which is why I mentioned the activities Carol and Daniel did. His power is twofold - with one hand, he can awaken dormant memories or implant knowledge in a person's mind, and with the other he can either delete meories or edit current ones to make people forget. That second power is the most dangerous one, and he knew it, so he always gave people the choice, when it came to it. He didn't want to risk doing something he'd regret, with powers like that.

And yes, that power was themed on the Truth vs. Ideals thing Reshiram and Zekrom had going on.

3) I was gonna showcase Crusoe's "true" form at some point, but the best I could do was make a shitty recolour of Bills from Battle of Gods. So I said "fuck it" and never used it, because with Daniel's appearance being based on fanart of Bardock we already had enough DBZ.

4) Three Fears that never turned up due to the change in setting where the Plague Doctor, an eccentric old spirit of disease and plague who cared more about alien biology than winning the Grand Game, the Grotesque, a living embodiment of nightmares that would have most likely attacked someone in their sleep in the form of a nightmarish carnival, and the Deep, the Father of Fears who is actually either Poseidon or Jormungand. There was going to be an amusing scene with him where he invited visitors for tea and scones.

There was also going to be an appearance by the Quiet, the Fear of Nothing that is fated to wipe out all life on Earth after the War of the Fears occurs. There was going to be an end-game sequence after defeating Slender Man, where the Quiet turns up and thanks the Kobbers for preventing what was basically Armageddon. But I was so tired after doing the final battle I just said "fuck it" and didn't bother.

5) Swain and Mr. Scars were going to have bigger roles, but that didn't pan out due to time constraints.

6) Originally, the Killer Instinct character was going to be Sabrewulf, searching for a cure to his lycanthropy. I had been looking forward to writing scenes with him interacting with Lyall, and he would have eventually acquired the cybernetic arms from KI2 at some point.

7) While not mentioned in the Mega Post, Firebrand and Persolus spent some time recuperating on the ZFS before returning to Earth. They were also waiting for the heat to die down after Gorr'Rylaehotep and Barghest got so soundly trounced - the Fears would have been mighty suspicious after that.

8) I was originally also going to have a go at the Red Cap, but if you looked her up you'll know why I didn't do it. I also felt it would have been trying too hard to recapture the essence Dirk pre-taming - there isn't much that can capture that particular spark.

9) Concerning Dirk's book plot, it was actually going to be longer. Richard Longshore would have sued Dirk for attempted libel, and it would have lead to a courtroom scene that would have properly cemented the centaur author as a dick and a money-hungry egotist - a kind of mirror-universe Dirk mixed with General Cleft. This was also an opportunity for Dirk to call him out (i.e. quote more Nostalgia Critic) and end the plot on a more desicive finale instead of the off-hand newspaper review I had to do.

10) "Barghest" was an extremely last-minute name for Black Dog's entry into the Halloween Brawl. I could have used the names given in those documents, but I wanted to be a bit more creative. Also, those documents on Fears (at least, Black Dog's and Slender Man's) were actually written a long time ago out of boredom - I didn't anticipate CW and Harpy would actively go looking them up.

11) On the subject of those documents, there was a heavily encoded .zip file in there labelled "HABIT". I'm kinda glad you guys didn't open that one.

Basically, it refers to the character of HABIT from EverymanHYRBID. In ZFRP, Habit would have been one of Slender Man's servants, but not a Proxy - he was a guy with serial killer tendancies possessed by a Jigsaw/Hannibal Lecter-ish demon thing. Collectively known as Habit, they were a wild card in the Collective, and what hints I would give in the files lead to the conclusion that they are either dead for some reason or missing. One certain thing was that he was exiled from the Collective for... some reason or other.

12) There was a sequence planned where the Monster Hunters would have faced of against Dire Miralis. Who is basically the Monster Hunter equivalent of Satan. Alatreon was gonna play a bigger role as well, but then Stan got tied too much to the Society and the plot.

13) The plot point about Rock suffering a memory overload from absorbing weapon data from living beings was gonna be bigger, but there were so many plot things on my hands right now that I didn't want to do it. Also, I was totally going to pull a "Babe the Sheep Pig" and have Rock ask Sine if it was okay for him to call her mom. But I didn't do it because... I didn't want to.

14) Jewel Man was the only Robot Master I was sure of sending up on the outset. Guts Man and Plug Man were the result of a lucky Random.org roll. On the subject of Jewel Man, I was going to defy the stereotype and make him just flamboyant but straight, using his girlish mannerisms to mess with people's heads. But then I lost some brain cells to cider and now he's a horrible characature.

15) There was a bit after Chaosplot where Stan idly mentions tasting copper. If you paid attention in school, you'd know that's one of the first symptoms of an impending heart attack. I was gonna put Stan in peril, for once, so Gemma could be the one saving the day, but then I completely forgot all about the plot. No excuses of tiredness or alcohol here, I just completely forgot it was going to be a thing.

16) Also, to clarify, Robbie is a future version of the Observer, rendered powerless and amnesiac by the Cleansing - the event where the Quiet wipes out life to stop the Fears from fucking everything up. By being exposed to Robbie, the Observer became aware of what was going to happen and the change in timeline that was to occur. He had a plan to pull a Starscream and gain Gorr'Rylaehotep's powers for himself, to try and prevent the War of the Fears, but of course that didn't pan out.

And so there you go. Stuff that didn't make it into ZFRP, or was pushed aside for something else. Hope you enjoyed reading this, and if not then you can simply chase the memories away with a stiff drink. Kind of like what I'm doing right now :U

Non-Canon Silliness 2: Llamas with Hats

"Caaaaarl, what have you done now?"

"Whatever it was, you can't pin it on me."

"You just took down the entire Society, Carl!"

"That wasn't me, that- that was robot me."

"I watched you do it, Carl!"

"Robot me looks like me. It's like the Terminator."

"It was definitely the real you!"

"Wow, really? Then I have accomplished in ten minutes what the Kobbers are taking three whole months to do. I should get a medal."

"Carl, I watched you drop a Starburst nuke into the reactor!"

"Honest mistake, I thought that was a trash can."

"How- You pushed the Table into the resulting explosion!"

"They kept whining about me taking the Starbust nuke!"

"And then you doused the barracks with gasoline and left it to burn!"

"I was hungy, gimme a break! I like my superhumans well-done."

"Uh, Carl... What's that?"

"What's what?"

"That thing. There, on your back. What is it?"

"Would you believe me if I said... it's a papier machie modern art project?"

"Not this again, Carl!"

"Fine. It's that Stanley kid and his girlfriend."

"Caaaaaaarl!"

"They- they attacked me first! It was self-defense!"

"You know you're not allowed to kill couples!"

"Hey, I kicked plenty off that cruise ship last year. You're only just telling me this now?"

"They had a puppy, Carl!"

"Emphasis on had."

"Uuuh... Carl, shouldn't there be escape pods?"

"Hmm. you're right. Place looks empty without them."

"What did you do, Carl?"

"Probably shot them all down with that rocket launcher I found in the hold. And I loaded it with the puppies I found in the room with the cages."

"...Why does that not surprise me?"

"Well, when you're out of ammo- woah, that was a hand. Did I swallow an entire person again?"

"That would probably be that Lamont guy."

"No wonder I feel bloated."

"You are just- Why did I even consider bringing you along for this holiday?!"

"In my defence, I was planning for this before we even booked the tickets."

"I- I don't understand you, Carl!"

"Well, I have a penchant for violence and extreme sociopathy."

"...Oh."

"I don't get how you haven't figured me out by now."

Non-Canon Silliness: It's Gonna Be Great

WARNING: The following is completely not canon at all, and is also very silly indeed. If you don't care for that sort of thing, skip this post and read some Monster Mash instead. If you do, go right ahead!

Also, this is a parody of a song owned by Disney, and is in no way an attempt to infringe copyright or make money off their hard work. However, I have no problem directing you to where you can listen to the song, if you wanna sing along to this. :P

SONG: It's Gonna Be Great

• Winnie the Pooh (2011)
• Written by Robert Lopez
• Sung by Jim Cummings and Bud Luckey

CHARACTERS: Stanley Rockwell and the Society.

MADDIE: Gonna fix you up - by the time we're through,
You'll be a part of the Society too!
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great!

Gonna work with us, digging up the woods,
And we'll show those Kobbers we got the goods!
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great!

STAN: Well, I don't know...

MADDIE: Oh, stop that gloomy rumination!
All you need is a little bit of modification!

STAN: Wait!
MADDIE: Why wait?!
Don't you see, it's gonna be great!
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great!

BARROS: (Spoken) Well, everything checks out, Stan. But now you have to learn to work with us.

SOCIETY MEMBER: When you learn to fly, you should take it slow,
So I want you to keep your swooping low!
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great!

STAN: (Spoken) Heeeeeelp!

SOCIETY MEMBER: If you're running fast, hit and tree and you'll fall, (STAN: Ooof!)
So you gotta duck and dodge them all! (STAN: Ouch!)
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great! (STAN: Aaaaargh!)

ABRASION: A perfect punch will make you feel alive!
Just go from a crouch into a lunging dive!

STAN: Ow! Ow! Ow!
ABRASION: You're getting it now!
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great!

CRYSTAL: Oh, isn't this better for your health,
Two of us working together?
I used to work all by myself,
But two is so much better!
(Spoken) Are you ready?

STAN: (Spoken) For what?

CRYSTAL: I'll! Be! The! Kobber, you'll be the soldier!
Gonna see which one is bolder!
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great! (STAN: Woah!)

You're gonna give me your best attack,
But don't you think that I won't fight back!
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great! (STAN: Aaaah!)

Strike me down! Gimme all you got! (STAN: Ow.)
Bash me! Mash me! Trash me! Smash me!
Do it! Do it! Do it!
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be- WAAAAGH!

STAN: (Spoken) Oh my gosh, Miss Haywood! I'm so sorry, that was really-

SOCIETY: Greeeeeaaaaat!

STAN: (Spoken) ...I just wanna go home D:

Reaper Man - A Darksiders 2 Poem

Sing with me, folks.

Reaper Man, Reaper Man,
Does whatever a Horseman can.
Doesn't need gun or knife,
'Cause he's got a big scythe.
Look out!
Here comes the Reaper Man!

Is he strong? Look at him!
He's what we call a Nephilim!
Runs on walls, rides a horse,
And kills demons, of course!
Hey there!
There goes the Reaper Man!

From beneath the mask
He seeks out his next head.
So don't dare to ask
If he swings from a thread!

Reaper Man! Reaper Man!
Angry neighbourhood Reaper Man!
Forget War, Fury or Strife!
Killing is this guy's life!

To him
Life is a great big ruckus.
Wherever there's a fracas
You'll find the Reaper Maaaaaaan!

An Aside - Miscommunication

"Careful with that- don't, you'll scratch the paint!"

"¡Increíble! Simply astounding!"

"Amazing workmansssship! You can hardly ssssee the sssseamssss!"

A ringing chime of amazement from Jimmy punctuated Bobby's statement as they and Marcus overlooked Pit's new jetpack. The first thing the angel did upon waking up was put the thing on and zoom straight over to Delia's house, where the gang were having a big shared breakfast in celebration of their achievements on the stage. Needless to say, Bobby was still covered in bacon grease after the dramatic entrance Pit made, but that was a minor concern right now as the half-Japanese collection of snakes gaped at the machine Celestia had made. Even Marcus, who knew as much about machines as a rabbit knows about space travel, could appreciate the time and effort put into the contraption.

"And you ssssay it'ssss sssself-powered? Remarkable!" Bobby was currently examining the fan on the back of the device, their multiple tongues flickering in curiosity.

Pit positively beamed, his wings flapping reflexively. "That's right - it's all air power! All I have to do is flap my wings and I'm airborne!"

Jimmy, having colaesced into a solid form with mutliple feelers, rattled with wonder as he traced the contours of the jetpack's form with one tentacle. He did this gingerly, of course, in order that Pit wouldn't chew him out for scratching the paint.

"I know, right? To think that thissss Ccccelesssstia woman made thissss marveloussss contraption jusssst for Featherssss here!"

Pit chuckled a little, rubbing the back of his head with one hand. "Well, I did tell her about my... disability, and she was more than happy to help. At least I can go up to Cloud Seven and get hammered with Gabe now."

"Sssshe musssst be a really wonderful persssson." A rare complement - Bobby was not one for doling out praise to just anyone.

"Yeah, she is."

A sudden grin appeared on Marcus' spine-stubbled face. "Oh, I see how it is, amigo," he chuckled, propping the jetpack down on the sofa were it wouldn't be damaged.

Pit blinked in confusion. "Do you?"

"Of course!" The catcus man boomed with good-natured laughter as he put one burly arm around the angel's shoulder. "I was the same with Delia when I first met her, and believe me, I know flechazo when I first see it! It's only natural you'd want to repay this girl for helping you out!"

A mixture of comprehension and nervous terror creeped upon Pit. Marcus thought that he... fancied Celestia? How the hell did he even come to that conclusion?! Yes, she'd helped the angel to fly, after all these years, but he barely even knew her! That was hardly grounds for something like that! More to the point, she was already a mother, and in Pit's considered opinion: ew, no, no way, no thank you. There were boundaries even the angel wouldn't cross, not even for a hundred bags of candy!

"Uh, heh heh, very funny, Marcus. But I don't-"

"Oh, don't worry, chico!" Marcus continued to talk as he guided Pit to the window, still talking and gesturing enthusiastically. "You can count on me to help you out! Firstly, you'll need to take her out-"

Pit tried again. "Marcus, you've got the wrong-"

"-not a drive-thru movie, you need to show her you have standards! I hear that Titanic movie is pretty good-"

Bobby had a go. "Marcussss, that'ssss not-"

"-burritos won't do, of course! Something appropriate, like lamb and mint sauce! Then you-"

Jimmy rattled something in his language.

"-and then you look her in the eyes, hold her hands and tell her how much she-"

"Oh, for fuck's sake..." Pit slowly dropped his face into both palms, not even listening to Marcus anymore. Of all the ways he wanted the day to start off... well, this wasn't the wosrt, but it was certaintly going to make the top five list. Even Bobby and Jimmy had given up, watching their friend endure the lecture with expressions of sympathetic pain.

They didn't even notice the white llama trot by the window. We'll get to that later.