Friday 28 November 2014

Pink Friday

"Come on, Beck, try to keep up!"

"I'm coming, dad- ACK!"

"Oh, my gosh! Are you alright?"

"Yeah, mom, I'm fine. It's just... oh, why do we have to do our Christmas shopping now, of all days?"

"Because all the shops put their best deals on at this time of year. And if you want to get any of your presents, we'd be better off buying them today!"

"Yeah, but everyone else has thought so, too, haven't they? Look at all these crowds!"

"He's got a point, Melody. I've never seen it this bad in all my life. Not since the Great Crush of '87!"

"Yes, and it was a good job Rush was there, otherwise poor old Light wouldn't have made it! Honestly, the way these shops make such a fuss about Christmas nowadays-"

"Um, guys? I can't find Uncle James."

"...Oh, great. I told him to stay right behind us! He's probably gotten swept away or lost now!"

"Calm down, Rock. We have our phones, remember? We'll just-

"...What's that coming towards-"

"CITIZENS!"


"Your king... has arrived~"

"..."

"..."

"...Mom, dad, I wanna go home."

-------

And people wonder why Beck doesn't go Christmas shopping.

Thursday 27 November 2014

Pitsgiving 3

"Nephew."

Pit turned, recognizing the voice. "Hmm?" he responded, his mouth full of roast meat.

He was promptly greeted by the hulking figure of Great Uncle Kain - all seven feet of him. Tawny wings rustled as his distant relative adjusted his position in his seat. Muscles like steel cable rippled as he leaned over inquisitively and gestured with the flagon of ale in one meaty paw.

"Your brother," he rumbled, and his voice was like the Giant's Causeway had learned to speak. "He is not here?"

"Nhmmm, hmm-" Pit checked himself and swallowed. "No, he's back in Manhattan. He's spending Thanksgiving with his girlfriend."

"Ah," came the response, followed by a wry grin. "I think I have heard of her. The one with the nice arse?"

At this, Pit found himself biting back a shudder of horror. "Yes, Uncle. That one."

"Well, you just tell him his Great Uncle Kain wants a rematch!" And with a chuckle, the huge angel went back to his meal. Pit actually did shudder this time, recalling the incident of last year's thanksgiving where an arm-wrestling competition got out of hand. Thank goodness Dirk had sworn off the alcohol until Christmas. Now he needed a distraction to take his mind off of that.

And as luck would have had it, there was one right next to him. To his left, Utsuho was busy chowing down on some roast boar - her third helping that day. This hadn't really come as a surprise, especially not to the angels, for half of the Angelos extended family was renowned for their prowess at the dinner table. Leaning over, Pit gave the Hell Raven a tap on the shoulder to get her attention.

"Enjoying yourself, Okuu?" he asked, cheerily. She looked up from her food at him, smiling back in response.

"Yep! It's been pretty fun so far, and it's been pretty nice to meet your family! Good food, too!" she added, taking another bite of boar's leg.

Pit grinned to see his girlfriend's appetite - it certainly exceeded his own. "Only the best, that's what Auntie Deidre says! Of course, everyone else pitches in as well, but who do you think cooked that boar you're eating?"

"I dunno," shrugged Utsuho. "I haven't met everyone yet! Then again, I'm guessing it's your aunt..." Here, she took a pause in order to take a drink - most of it was alcoholic, of course, because Irish Angels had a bad habit of drinking little else. It was rather gratifying for Pit to know that his fiancee had no problems with it, and he merely watched as the Hell Raven gulped down quite the amount of cider.

"She was pretty nice, at least!" she continued once she'd put her mug down. "Has she always been doing this?"

"Pffft, since she got married, at least. But she always enjoys doing it, and it shows."

Just then, there was a commotion from the head of the table, involving a lot of people shushing other people. This was because a certain somebody had stood up, obviously wanting to give a speech about the event or something, and lots of shushing was the only way to get people to shut up. Especially if that person was Godfather Rafferty, the richest angel in existence, with more businesses and hired goons to his name than Alan Sugar.

The elderly angel surveyed the hallway as the talk and clink of cutlery died down. Then he cleared his throat and, obviously having memorized his speech before, began.

"Friends and family, if you came here expecting my usual spiel, prepare to be disappointed. I am here to congratulate my godson, Pit, on proposing to his new girlfriend, who has the honour of being with us today on this occasion..."

The speech continued in this usual vein - Rafferty was nothing if not gifted with words. Most of it consisted of the sort of praise and cheap jokes one would find in a best man speech, although nobody seemed to mind. In fact, most everyone was in that state of drunkenness where even the dumbest joke is funny, and even Pit had to hold back a chortle when a lame crack about "holding down the B button" was made. It was a good speech, overall, and as was the way with anything Rafferty did it was brisk and to the point.

Especially the ending bit.

"...and I would like to finish by advising my godson - if you don't wear protection on the night, I'll send my boys over to skin you alive. Enjoy tonight!"

The mass of angels around the tables erupted into cheers and applause - and more besides. With a dignified air and a wry smirk, Godfather Rafferty folded away his cue cards and sat back down, magpie-patterned wigs folding casually behind his back. Glasses, flagons and more were raised in toasts, and in a trice the drinking and feasting had resumed as if no speeches had been made at all. That was the beauty of angel celebrations - once a point had been made, there was no unnecessary lingering on it. Things got back to the way they were, with the assumption everyone had taken it on board.

At his own table, sensing a little discomfort from Utsuho, Pit leaned over and tapped her on the shoulder.

"He doesn't mean it, you know," he offered. "Godfather's filthy rich, yeah, but he's not really a mafia boss. At least, I hope not!"

To his relief, Utsuho shrugged, seemingly unaffected. "Heh, I don't think they'd win a tangle with me! Explosive nuclear powers! Although we probably don't need to worry anyway, right?"

"Of course not!" Relaxing, Pit took a quick swig of cider before clarifying: "He doesn't mean anything by it, we all make jokes like that here!"

"Oh, cool! I bet I could think of a joke or two like that then!

"...Maybe later, though," the Hell Raven added, a little awkwardly. "I don't have anything right now actually..."

Pit shrugged at this, smiling genially. "Hey, no problem! If it makes you feel any better, I haven't got a speech prepared at all. It's not like they expect you to give one, anyway."

 "Oh, well, that's good to know!" There was a small pause as the couple ate in silence. To Pit's right, Uncle Kain started getting rowdy, bellowing demands for more cider despite efforts from other cousins to shush him.

"...So," Utsuho ventured, "how many more people are speaking, anyway?"

Pit paused to consider this. "Well... Godfather always does one, then I think my mom occasionally does. And then somebody from the older parts of the family... but really," he finished with another shrug, "not many people in my family are good at those, so only like two or three more people."

Utsuho nodded, understanding. "Hmm, alright then! I'm kinda looking forward to seeing what's after all these speeches. And you still need to introduce me to your parents after them, too!" Oh, yeah. That was still a thing.

"No problem. I'm sure they'll love you! Almost as much as I do~" Pit added, smiling hugely.

Utsuho turned very red at that.

"You sure about that? I'd be surprised if anyone can love me quite as much as you! Even Lady Satori doesn't seem that affectionate, ehehehe...

In response, Pit put down his food, leaned over and gave his fiancee a massive hug.

"I've never been more sure of anything."

Smiling, she hugged back.

And later that day, Cousin Monroe pulled out her usual technological wizardry and the dance floor was set up in no time. Traditionally, the head of the family lead the dancing, but the news of Pit getting hitched had spread so thoroughly around the gathering, the young couple were the ones who took the first dance together. Everyone clapped and cheered as they took the lead on that one Dirty Dancing song that always gets played, and not even a drunken Uncle Kain clotheslining Cousin Boris through the nibbles table could dampen the evening.

Image byTheLolliepopWolf, courtesy of Draco
Pit felt so warm inside, he had to try very hard not to burst into flames.

(Major thanks to RubyChao for helping me with this!)

Thursday 13 November 2014

Goats

(Special thanks to The Deleter for the concept and for writing Jonesy! And also to CW and FV for giving their blessing to this!)

Anyone visiting the Svilzerian household this particular afternoon would hear the strangest-goings on.

"Ha ha ha, that guy just flew, like, fifty feet!"

"My head is clipping through the wall, what is this?!"

The source would be a blonde and a redhead, hunched over a laptop and cackling like hyenas. Jonesy  and Carol, to be precise, the marine having invited the technopath over for the day to stave off boredom whilst their respective friends were busy. And a few beers seemed like a good way to pass the time - several bottles were, in fact, littering the surface of the desk at that particular moment. But that had just been the setup,  the actual source of the hilarity confined to what the two women happened to be playing on Carol's laptop.

That being co-op Goat Simulator.