Tuesday 28 February 2012

City of Beasts - Rain

Nick had forgotten why he was doing this.

Of course, there had been benefits. He wasn't sleeping in a ramshackle room with a bunch of smelly rock stars anymore, and no-one was coming from Outworld to backstab him for betraying Shao Kahn, all of which were huge bonuses. He was wearing the finest-pressed suits, eating food so rich it would make a shepard's pie ashamed of itself, and he was sleeping in a bed that Raiden himself would kill to sleep in. In short, he was living the high life.

But he'd sided with the Tridens to get it.

And that wasn't even the worst part. Having to sit at the same table as that smarmy git Alex and that corpulent blob that had the nerve to even call itself "Sarah" was bad enough, and the demigod felt sick to his stomach whenever what could have been an otherwise noble and aspiring knight snuggled up to that giggling mass of fat and started rattling off how much his "boys" had made his side of town such a safe and respectable place, always adding a snide remark about the marines and their slap-dash, caveman ways or Jaxx and his mutant rabble. And the salt in that particular wound was that he had to applaud along with all this nonsense along with the other stuck-up suits at the table, under the full knowledge that they, too, had gangs at their beck and call and would probably cap him if he even so much as raised his voice in question.

Having to get undressed to the noise of a city gone to hell wasn’t the worst bit, either. Although it would certainly qualify, given the murderous new tune the streets sang at night. When children weren’t screaming hysterically for their parents, or men in balaclavas weren’t bawling racial epithets in each other’s faces, the night was punctuated with the metallic rattling of rifles fighting to be heard over the shriek of alien lasers, as the only other gangs that could possibly rival his caretakers crossed paths for the umpteenth time that month. It made him wonder how the Major himself slept knowing all that violence was going on mere miles from his front door, and that no-one was even watching the Zoofights anymore. Maybe, the Edenian had reflected at one point, he’d gone as mad as the rest of them, and was trapped in a world of burgers and beefy arms where no man dared venture.

Then Stella had called him to bed, and he had remembered, with a sinking heart, why being mad was often the better option.

Stella had just not been prepared for the downfall of a once happy community. Caught right in the whirlpool of madness, betrayal and outright war, the once cheery, fun-loving orator/ninja had descended into a spiral of insanity that would have promised a big Christmas bonus for any psychiatrist. Everyone she had been friends with or had even remotely cared about had either used her for their own twisted gains, abandoning her once they had grown bored, or had simply pushed her away with disdain, and the net effect was akin to throwing bricks at a spider’s web. In the end, Nick had found her in a bathroom, ramming a butcher’s knife again and again into a corpse only barely recognizable as the tiger-masked wrestler who came in off the streets, laughing like a circus clown.

With their old, cosy home close to the bar reduced to rubble by Optimus’ robots, and the Major implementing the quarantine on the King of Beasts area, the only refuge Nick could think of was the mansion into which the Tridens had retreated. That was his first big mistake – jaded by the destruction and backstabbing, Alex had made various demands to make sure that the Edenian remained co-operative and didn’t try anything funny, like siding with the rival gangs. Most of them involved preposterous sums of money being paid out his account – the former knight was loathe to splash out in any way, especially after the rusty failure that was Tridenland. In the end, what inheritance Argus had left behind had simply been sucked away by the ever-hungry Triden empire.

So much for royal privileges. In fact, he didn’t even have those, either. Alex was quick to remind him of that fact, to illustrate that even though he had the pressed suits and fine dinners, he was just a useless hanger-on with no real power or say in how the Tridens ran things. At the dinner table, that robed blob sneered at him as though she was something she’d just scraped off her shoe, or something she’d found under the sink. Even the thugs, the armoured workforce of the Levian machine who survived on the rock-hard canteen food, mocked him, calling him “Son of Argus” in the same way they would call someone a retard – a back-handed insult that implied he was no better than what he was when he first came to the bar. The worst part of it was that they were right – he’d gone full circle and ended up back where he’d started, as an entitled little shit without a proper leg to stand on, pretty much the chew-toy of everyone present.

He'd come to that realization one night as he lay in bed, holding his beloved Stella close with one hand and applying soothing cream to the red lash-marks of a leather belt with the other. It had been another one of those nights – the sort of night where he’d had to grit his teeth and think of something not connected to whatever painful implement had been chosen. In a way, Stella still loved him, but it was the same sort of psychotic affection that he’d have expected from someone like Mileena. The old, cheery, romantic love was still there, no doubt, buried deep away, but it was smothered by a cackling thing that probably didn’t even remember the old times anymore, and was built on a world of delusional fantasies. She’d even started calling Alex “Mr. Triden”, and Rain had read enough comics to know that was a bad sign.

Eddie still visited, sometimes. How he’d not gone as crazy as everyone else, Nick never knew, but the roadie was obviously made of sterner stuff than the rest of Ironheade, who had either been killed or defected to the mutants out of a crippling self-loathing. Of late, his visits through the big bedroom window had become less and less frequent, owing to his newfound occupation with tracking the drug shipments from the harbour area, but it was still a relief to see his stubby chin peering through the window pane, even if he smelt like he needed three showers at once. Every time, the greasy-haired vigilante, in between updating his old friend with the current crime news, would repeat the same advice he gave before: Get out, dude. Get the fuck outta dodge, if you know what’s good for ya. Those Tridens aren’t any good anymore.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t leave Stella behind, and that was the truth. She was too broken to drag along anymore – she’d never survive out there, with Delmond’s marines and Optimus Prime and Fujin knows what else roaming the streets. Not to mention that his powers were beginning to wane with neglect, day by day, until even conjuring a simple thunderbolt would make him totter about in a daze until a glass of water was brought to him. But it would have been crueller to leave her to Alex, for who knows what the greedy fucker would do to her if he left her behind. He could have made her into one of those degrading maids with the bunny ears, or worse. And so Nick had to stay behind, to protect Stella from that man. She meant too much to him.

In a way, it was like being with Shao Kahn all over again. For one thing, they always called him by his old code name. The name he had come to hate as much as the people who housed and fed and mocked him, because it reduced him to the nothing he had been once before. The name that was always bellowed in command, or sneered in disdain.

They called him Rain.

That was the worst bit.

(This took way longer than it should have done. Fuck you, writer's block. And don't think the grimdark's gonna stop there, either - I still have a character teaser to write. So much to do...)

How to Realise You Might Have a Problem.

  1. Go out into town and vist the local games retailer with only £30 - all the money you have.
  2. Debate internally wherever to buy Super Mario 3D Land or Pilotwings Resort, flipping a penny coin every now and again to try and make it seem professional. Try hard to ignore the temptations of Marvel vs. Capcom 2 on the basis that it might not be 360 compatible.
  3. Get the cashier's opinion.
  4. Buy Super Mario 3D Land.
  5. Walk out of the store before realising you pulled this shit before, with Mega Man: Powered Up and Soul Calibur 5, what the fuck is wrong with you, man?
  6. Return the game, get your money back, feel unsatisfied.
:(

Thursday 23 February 2012

A Sudden Update

According to some posts on Yoshinori Ono's Twitter, those 12 characters I mentioned might actually be DLC for the console versions as well. Given that the PSVita version isn't released until Autumn (Fall, for you wierdo Americans), it's highly probable console owners would already have them all by the time it rolls out.

All is forgiven, Ono.

For now.

Tuesday 21 February 2012

My Reaction to PS Vita Version of SFxT Getting 12 Exclusive Characters


And there's no word on if they're going to be DLC for the console versions because Yoshinori Ono is a goddamned troll and a cocktease.

Fuck you, Capcom. Fuck you.

Self-Inserts, and Why I Hate Them

Enough of me gushing about games that nobody cares about. Time for me to get a thing off off of my chest.

Writing characters is hard. Everyone who reads this blog should know this, and anyone who's attempted writing longer than a few paragraphs should know this, too. And as we all know, the human mind is conditioned to try and find the easy way out of any problem the world throws at it. I remember waaaay back in secondary school (or whatever you Americans have in place of it) when I suddenly got the urge to write a fantasy novel about a civil war between knight and ninjas. The title would have been Ninjas vs. Knights, which shows you how much of a creative drive I had back then, and would have featured a roster of characters based loosely on myself and the circle of friends that I was a part of in those days. I figured that since coming up with proper characters is hard to do, I'd simply use our personalities as a template - a phenomenon that hive of scum and villainy TV Tropes calles "Write Who You Know".

I got as far as the first chapter before realising "Why would I want to do this terrible thing?"

See, I appreciate that it's hard to give depth to a person who doesn't really exist - all that nonsense with backstory and justifications is like trying to untangle a giant knot in a shoe-lace factory. But if you go to all the effort, then it can be hugely rewarding - a character can become something else entirely. They end up having their own voice and thoughts, and they fit into the world you've built as smoothly as a hand in a nice warm winter glove. Writing them can become second nature once you have all their quirks and characteristics down. And when that happens, it's wonderful.

But creating a character who stands in for yourself or a person you know, as far as I'm concerned, is a cheap and lazy tactic. When you do that, you immediately show your audience that you have all the imagination of a brick, that you have absolutely no intention of putting any kind of effort or creativity into your work, and would rather just paste an established personality into a setting. As a person who likes to spend the effort making sure that his characters make sense and have credible personalities that the audience can identify and sympathise with, it grinds my gears to see people trying to cheat their way out of one of the most vital aspects of story-telling. If you're going to skimp out like that, then there's a good chance you're going to skimp out on everything else too, you talentless hack.

And it becomes even more obvious if the kind of person you've based your character on does not even fit into the setting - your skater cousin might be a cool and infulential person in this modern world of wonder, but even if you made him a bard who spoke in the generic fantasy English of the setting, he'd still get chucked in the dungeons in all probability because he called the princess a funny street name. When you create a character, you have to ensure that their personality is not only credible, but makes sense in the context of the worldbuilding you've done - their race, history and relationships with people around them. There is no excuse for cheaping out and copy-pasting your own personality, because then that raises the question of why the palace guards haven't shot you for using the world "dude", which, for the sake of example, might sound vaguely like the Dwarvish word for "prostitute".

But there's an even bigger problem with self-inserts that butters my crampons more than anything else. Often, the writer is literally putting himself into the story for the sake of wish-fulfilment. To elaborate, here is a quote from Yahtzee Croshow of Zero Punctuation fame in one of his many snarks against Ctrl Alt Delete, that lurching zombie of a webcomic:

"But while you are a repressed, socially retarded dullard who no one would ever honestly admit to liking, your author insertion character is a fantasy, so they will be a charismatic eccentric who is unconditionally loved by everyone, even while he's setting their dog on fire."

Do you see what I'm getting at? The one big reason for making a self-insert character is to stroke the author's ego - they want to snog the princess, slay the dragon and do all the awesome things they can never do because their copius cheeto-dusted bulk is permanently glued to the chair in front of their laptop. I went into writing Ninjas vs. Knights with a similar mindset - I only wrote it because I wanted to turn myself and all of my friends into a quirky action squad worthy of a Power Rangers film directed by Michael Bay (Let's hope that never happens), and as I mature I look back on this and wonder how I possibly could have been so God-shockingly retarded. Was my self-esteem really so low that I had to steal the name of a rejected Mortal Kombat character and put myself as the head of a ninja clan to make myself feel better? Had I become so bored with my otherwise decent life to even consider writing such a hopeless fantasy, regardless of the fact that ninjas and knights didn't even exist in the same fucking time period? It goes without saying that this is why author-insertion is considered a symptom of the Mary-Sue disease - because the character in question is basically the author doing what he wants in a world of his own making in order to make him feel more worthy of existing than he really is.

Phew, that was a big paragraph.

Anyway, let me just clear this up right now, because I know someone is going to call me out on this - Gooper, I'm not attacking you. The thought never crossed my mind. It was brave of you to admit that Widow Maker was an author-insert, and for the most part I have no problem with that, because at least you're not trying to fulfil some deranged wankfest. But I am of the mindset that a character should be their own thing, and have their own personality and depth. Using a character as a mouthpiece for your own beliefs is generally a bad idea, especially in RP'ing situations such as DnD and whatnot. But sadly, there are some people out there who just don't seem to understand this (I'm looking at you, B^Uckley and Dominic Deegan).

Welp, rant over. Tune in next time, when I gushingly review Street Fighter X Tekken and drop subliminal hints telling you to play as King.

Wednesday 15 February 2012

Holy Fucking Shit


This game just went past Eleven, went right back round and reached Eleven all over again. March 9th, GET OVER HERE so I can get my pre-ordered Special Edition copy already.

Monday 13 February 2012

Fighting Game Terminology - A Beginner's Guide

I love fighting games.


I think I've said this so much you automatically puke whenever I bring it up, but I love them so much. The intense mindgames with an opponent, the rush of adrenaline while pulling off a tricky combo, and the sense of achievement that comes from securing victory with a well-placed super move - these are things that few games, for me, so readily provide. They might not be everyone's cup of tea, I'll admit that, but for those willing to devote the time and effort to mastering them, there's a world of rewards to be had, including the smug superiority of knowing you're better at them than the friends you invite over for parties.

But like a lot of things in this world, including science and the Geneva Convention, the competetive fighting game scenario is one that is littered with lots of strange lingo that confuses and baffles those people who are new to the whole thing. What do feet have to do with fighting games, apart from kicking people? What is a combo, and can I get one at McDonalds? For those not in the know about the many perks and nuances of the genre, or about the competetive scene full stop, it can be like trying to learn French with nothing more than a dictionary and Google Translate (trust me, I know what it's like).

But hope is not lost, my friends! With the European release of Street Fighter X Tekken less than a month away, I'd like to take the opportunity to complie a small list of fighting game terminology, along with their defenitions, in order to help those budding World Warriors or Kings of Iron Fist out there get to grips with the confusing world in front of them, and perhaps improve their own playstyle by keeping these important terms in mind. Who knows - maybe this post will inspire someone out there to become the next Justin Wong or Daigo Umehara!

...Then maybe I will grow electric wings and fly up to the Moon Kingdom.

Baiting
Baiting is a practive used by players to try and lure an opponent into making a mistake, leaving them open to attack. Baiting often consists of deliberately whiffing moves to lull the opponent into a false sense of security.

Example: "Good Baiting from Daigo!"

BnB
BnB is an abbreviation of Bread-and-Butter. This refers to a combo or technique for a character that is widely used because it is highly effective and easy to pull off. Some characters can have multiple BnB combos.

Example: "That's a decent Kazuya BnB you have there."

Cancel
In some fighting games, Cancels involve suddenly breaking off the current attack animation by inputting a command that "cancels" the previous one. This is usually inputting the command for a special move whilst the character is still performing a normal attack.

Example: "Hey, did you know you can cancel Deadpool's Happy-Happy Trigger from his taunt?"

Combo
Combos are the basic elements of almost all fighting games. A combo involves performing attacks in rapid succession, giving the opponent little-to-no chance of retalliation before the sequence is over. How combos are performed differs from game to game.

Example: "Spencer has some decent combos, but they take some effort to pull off."

Counter
Counters are successful attacks that are landed when the opponent is attacking as well. In some games, performing a counter carries bonuses, such as extra damage. The Dead Or Alive series revolves around counters, granting massive damage if excecuted properly.

Example: "Ooh, nice Counter there!"

Cross-Up
Cross-Ups are techniques that make it diffuclt for the opponent to tell which direction they should block. A standard Cross-Up woukd involved performing a jumping attack whilst jumping over an opponent, although certain characters may have special techniques that can create Cross-Ups without the need for jumping.

Example: "Oni has a good Cross-Up game with his Demon Slash."

Footsies
Footsies refers to a situation where the players are out of combo range, and are trying to either land a hit to start a combo or bait the opponent into range.

Example: "This is an intense footsies game!"

Juggles
Juggles refers to a kind of combo that involves knocking an opponent into the air, and then keeping them airborne with a combo. Juggles mean that a player can build up damage rapidly without fear of retalliation, although, as with many combos, timing is nesseccary. Tekken is built primarily around juggles, and this carries over into Street Fighter X Tekken.

Example: "Steve Fox is just built around juggles, it's crazy, man."

Mix-Up
A Mix-Up is a technique that involves making attacks difficult to predict. This usually involves a mix of standing and crouching attacks in random order, as these attacks require different actions from the opponent to be blocked. A good Mix-Up game would be one that requires split-second timing to block.

Example: "Lei Wulong has so many Mix-Ups! Argh, how do I block them all?!"

OTG
OTG is an abbreviation of Off-The-Ground. In Marvel vs. Capcom, the term refers to attacks that can hit an opponent lying on the ground, bouncing them up and leaving them vulnerable for another attack. These are useful for extending combos.

Example: "OTG! BIONIC! AAAAAAAARM!"

Overhead
An Overhead is in an attack that can only be blocked standing, and not while crouching. Overheads are a good countermeasure against players who are playing defensively. As many jumping attacks count as Overheads, this term usually refers to ground attacks in this vein.

Example: "Ryu's Collarbone Breaker is a good Overhead."

Poke
Pokes are quick attacks performed at the maximum range the attack will allow. This is often used to create distance between the players, or to get some damage in from a safe distance.

Example: "Nice use of pokes by Justin there."

Punish
Punishing involves immediately attacking an opponent after blocking their attack, often when the opponent has whiffed an attack or is recovering from an attack. This strategy is quite viable after blocking a move that is not considered safe.

Example: "King's Reverse Arm Slam is useful for punishing."

Recovery
Recovery is a term that refers to the time taken for a character to return to a standing state from performing an action, usually after blocking an attack, being hit or while getting up from the ground. The shorter the recovery time, the better.

Example: "Paul's Megaton Knuckle has terrible recovery."

Reversal
Reversals are special moves performed during a recovery state. In some games, Reversals grant a small window of invincibility, making them ideal for turning the tide if a player was knocked down and an opponent is attemtping to attack.

Example: "Ken's Dragon Punch makes for a vicious reversal."

Safe
An attack that is "safe" is one that does not leave the player open if it is blocked, giving the player time to recover and block any incoming attacks. Attacks that are "not safe" are those that carry the risk of putting the player in a situation where they can be punished if the attack is blocked.

Example: "Iron Man's Level 3 Hyper is not safe, as it puts him too close to the opponent."

Sweep
Sweeps are attacks that trip the opponent up. Sweeps are often a quick, easy way of knocking an opponent over, although they may not have much use on their own.

Example: "Every character in Mortal Kombat has a sweep. It's like a law or something."

Rushdown and Zoning
Rushdown is a strategy that involves being extremely agressive, getting as close to the opponent as possible and using a variety of mix-ups and other techniques to pressurise an opponent. Characters have have lots of fast moves are good for rushdown. On the opposite end is Zoning, which involves keeping a certain distancer away from the opponent and punishing their attempts to come close. Characters that use projectiles are ideal for Zoning.

Example: "Deadpool is good for Rushdown, but he also has options for Zoning as well."

Whiff
Whiffing describes instances when an attack completely misses the opponent. In most cases, whiffing is undesirable, as it spoils combo opportunities and leaves the player open, giving time for the opponent to recover. However, whiffing does have a use in some instances - it can be used to bait an opponent into leaving themselves open.

Example: "Damn it, Tom, Stop whiffing that Light Punch!"

Keep in mind that not all fighting games are the same - while the basic terminology here may still apply, each game has it's own little book of terms that might not apply to other games.

I may update this list with more terms as time goes on, and perhaps throw in some exclusive to Street Fighter X Tekken for the lolz. Until then, enjoy!