90's Bar - Beast Heroes (Part 1 of 2)

~Inferno Stronghold, Mirror Dimension~

"Commander Vile! My glass needs polishing!"

Vile, the head scientist of the Inferno Corps, jumps at the sound of the booming voice that echoes around the room. "A-at once, my Lord!" he stammers, grabbing a cloth from his workbench and running over to the source of the command.

This happens to be large glass tank lodged into the wall of the room, surrounded by various pressure dials, switches and other strange gizmos. In this tank, floating in a bubbling mixture of chemicals and preservatives, is a brain. And not just any brain - this is the brain of someone who had decided that dying was an optional extra in the great restaurant of life. Someone who had something weighing so heavily on ther minds that they stuck their middle finger up at Grandfather Death for the sake of getting it over and done with.

In short, this was a man with a huge personal grudge.

"To think," snarls the voice of Jonah, "that those mutant freaks from the King of Beast could have reduced me to this! To defy my claim to their squalid dimension was bad enough, but to destroy my mortal body and render me helpless like this is a crime beyond all reckoning! I cannot move or feel or see, and it is all because of those hapless lowlifes!"

"They made a mistake in crossing you," encourages Vile as he runs the cloth over the glass of the tank. "And they shall all suffer because of it. Your fellow Arbiters were foolish to imprison you here - now you have access to every sample of alien tech that ever landed here!"

"Indeed!" The laugh that rolls from the wall-mounted speakers is of the patented, sinister type. "And my latest plan will ensure that I will take my revenge against those misfits and conquer their dimension in one swift stroke! Tonight, the King of Beasts falls!"

The evil laughter that echoes round Castle Vergil goes on for many minutes.

-----

~The King of Beasts Speakeasy, Zoofights City, Our World~

"It wass my turn to take out the garbage lasst week, russtbucket!"

"No, it was mine, chopper-face!"

Gezora the Squid, bartender of the King of Beasts, sighs in irritation as it polishes a glass. These frankly stupid arguments had been going on for at least two weeks now, and the fact that it had been the same two people every single time only made it even more annoying. This latest quarrel - the third one today so far - was the last straw as far as the mollusc was concerned. Setting its task aside for the moment, it swings around to face the perpetrators, its many stomachs sloshing with the motion.

"Gezora will politely ask you two," it grumbles, "to shut up. The next time Gezora asks, it will eat you both."

The guilty parties, a squat green robot in scuba gear and a tall reptillian humanoid, shoot angry glares at Gezora. Neither one had been particularly cheerful that morning, and the squid's interruption of their spat has done nothing to improve their moods.

"Don't look at me, Gez!" retorts the short robot. "It's not my fault Pech has to act all high-and-mighty when it's his turn to do the chores!"

"And it iss not my fault, Oceanuss," hisses Pech, red eyes learing down upon the robot, "if you are a lazy pile of sscrap who sshirkss hiss dutiess!"

"You want to say that to my fist, reptile breath?!" Oceanus raises one iron-plated fist in a threat.

"Gezora cannot believe what it is hearing!" The giant squid throws up both tentacles in exasperation, beak clacking audibly. "Gezora thought you two were supposed to be part of a secret superhero team! Instead, Gezora finds you squabbling like children!"

"Gezora's right, you guys!"

Pech and Oceanus turn towards the source of the voice - the arcade. Leaning against the door frame, a slice of pizza in one hand, is the angelic warrior Pit. The angel has not been in the bar as long as the other two patrons, but he is smart enough to realize that there is a problem between the two, and one that needs to be sorted. Robot and Space Marine glare at the young boy as he takes another bite from his meal.

"You can't keep fighting like this," continues Pit through a mouthful of cheesy goodness. "If you want to do your bit as part of the Beast Heroes, you're going to have to learn to work together. And besides, I already took the trash out, so this argument was basically pointless."

"Eassy for you to ssay, Featherss," retorts Pech with an ugly laugh. "I would rather fall on my own gladiuss than desspoil my honour working with thiss malformed lump of circuitry!"

"For booting up cold, Pech!" Oceanus thumps a table with a steel fist, leaving a sizeable dent in the woodwork. "You're not in the Void anymore! All this 'honour' crap doesn't fly when people work in a team! You, of all people, show know this - you commanded a legion back then!"

Pech rounds on Oceanus with a furious hiss, but never gets to say anything before the gang are deafened by loud, blaring alarms. The room flashes with red as warning lights flicker on and off, and sudden panic flares through the expressions of everyone present. These alarms can mean only one thing.

"ALERT! ALERT!" blares the voice of Sentinel, the King of Beast's hyper-intelligent computer system. "DIMENSIONAL BREACH DETECTED!"

Almost in an instant, doors fly open as other patrons rush into the bar, alerted to the trouble by Sentinel's disturbing report. Jonesy, wife of esteemed billionaire Erebus Svilzerian, dashes in from the ladies' bathroom, still carrying her makeup kit in one hand. Widow Maker, proffessional giant mantis and part-time bounty hunter, buzzes in through the front doors in anticipation of adventures. And last but not least, the ghostly warrior Jumpropeman shirked his usual method of teleporting through walls to fly through the open doorway to the back room, where lots of silly technological gadgets are kept.

"What's going on?!" hollers Jonesy, hurridley wiping blusher from her face so no-one would ask what she had been up to.

"Sentinel's detected a dimensional rift from the Mirror Dimension," shouts Jumpropeman over the blaring alarms. "Overlord Jonah's up to no good again!"

"Lower the Viewscreen!" bellows Pech.

Immediately, Sentinel turns off the alarms, leaving a ringing sensation in the ears of all present as they adjust to the silence. At the same time, a panel in the roof swings down to reveal a massive, flat screen, which Sentinel powers on with a flash of light. A satellite map of the city, taken from images intercepted by the computer’s systems, appears on the screen, and close examination reveals red dots surrounding one particular area of the map.

“He’s sent in his troops to raid the Major’s Mausoleum!” Widow Maker cries, antennae twitching in disbelief as she scans the images. “There’s a wealth of alien technology in that place – dimensional discombobulators, X-Enzyme missiles, Murducken Kitchen Brutalizers and who knows what else!”

“Imagine,” snarls Pech, clenching one gloved fist in rage. “An entire army’s worth of weaponry in the hands of that evangelical madman. The city would be brought to its knees in seconds!”

“Then you have no time to waste!” Gezora swings it’s bulk to face the bargoers. “Gezora commands that you morsels must get to the Mausoleum and stop them before they get anything valuable! Gezora will run out of customers if they succeed!”

Jonesy is the first to leap into action, dashing over to the counter and pulling out a hidden drawer from within the woodwork. Inside this compartment are five strange devices that resemble the stylized heads of animals – a lion, a shark, a snake, a mantis and a falcon. These are the Beast Changers, powerful gizmos designed by the otherworldly mechanic Celestia for use in circumstances such as these. In a rush, the blonde-haired heroine has thrown a Changer to each of her four other companions, each one catching them and strapping them to their wrists.

“Move out, team!” barks Jonesy as she puts on her own Beast Changer. “We’ve got drones to demolish!”

“And hopefully,” adds Oceanus as he joins the team in dashing out of the bar, “I’ll get to punch that smug jarhead Jonah in the face!”

“That honour belongss to me, trasshcan!”

The two continue to argue as they leave, their shouting voices growing faint as they head down the street. With a heavy sigh, Pit finishes his pizza and heads over to the counter, leaning over to whisper in whatever Gezora has for an ear.

“Think they’ll ever settle their differences?” he enquires.

“Gezora says either they work together,” rumbles the giant mollusc, “or they argue and die. Gezora doesn’t care which right now.”

And with that, the squid shuffles over to the other end of the counter, serving drinks to the shadowy patrons who don’t converse with our heroes. Pit stares after the retreating bulk, then shrugs and hops over to the Viewscreen, which unfolds a keyboard and other cool switches as he approaches. From here, Pit begins to monitor the progress of the gang, represented on the map as green dots moving quickly down the lane.

One person hasn’t offered to move. Sitting in his corner, Jaxx Tantra stares at the doorway the five have left by, taking a swig of cheap whisky.

“Fucking idiots,” he mutters.

-----

It isn’t long before the four have reached the centre of Zoofights City, where the Major’s Mausoleum is. This crumbling monument to the military hippo has been here for as long as anyone can remember, stoic and unchanging as the rest of the city grew and flourished around it. Inside are relics of Zoofights past and gone, and some that may have happened in some freaky alternate timeline but we can’t be sure. But the point is, every single thing on display has the capacity to reduce civilization to rubble and caveman tribes, or at least take someone’s face off in some horrible way.

Which is exactly why the blank, faceless androids are looting it! By the time the five have arrived, the general public have fled, leaving the automatons to do as they please with the building. As they diligently smash windows and pile their ill-gotten gains outside the main entrance, each one glints in the sunlight, the mark of a two-headed eagle clutching a sword and scabbard visible on their chests! This mark is one that the five are extremely familiar with, and one that at least two of the assembled would sooner forget!

“Watchers,” growls Jonesy, clenching her fists. “This is Jonah’s work. alright.”

“But what could that pickled freak possibly want with the things in the Mausoleum?” wonders Jumpropeman as he observes the mechanical minions at work.

“Who cares?” Widow Maker is practically dancing on the spot, her claws swinging this way and that. “We’ve got a job to do, gang!”

“Let’s do this, team!” hollers Jonesy.

Then, in a move that would have surprised anyone present, the five calls out the battle cry:

“BEAST HEROES, TRANSFORM!”

And in complete sync, they take up identical stances and grip a key-like protrusion on their respective Beast Changers. Each one then twists their respective Changer Keys, activating just one of the many systems installed within their devices! The Beast Changers glow with eye-hurting, multi-coloured light, which swiftly envelopes their wielders as the five undergo a startling transformation!

Their optics shorted by the light, the Watchers are unable to pinpoint its source, and therefore can do nothing to prevent it. By the time it dissipates and their sensors recover, the fabricated foot soldiers find themselves staring at their inevitable undoing! Where once stood five, completely unrelated weirdoes, there now stands the greatest team of heroes Zoofights City has ever known, each dressed their respective colour of spandex outfit and matching helmet! Jonesy is dressed in fiery red; Widow Maker is clad in pink, Jumpropeman in yellow, Pech in a rather obvious green, and Oceanus a watery blue!

As one, the five pose heroically and give out the old battle cry that strikes fear into the processors of their foes:

“BEAST HEROES! ASSEMBLE!”

And the battle begins as the five Beast Heroes charge at the Watchers!

Jonesy, the Red Lion Hero, heads straight for the leading Watcher, marked out by a golden faceplate that distinguishes it from its companions. The mechanical mook sees her approaching, and quickly lashes out with a powerful punch, trying to intercept the incoming heroine! But it is all for naught – ducking under the blow, Jonesy responds with a vicious uppercut to the robotic chin that crumples the metal and damages the vital circuits within! The Watcher staggers back before collapsing to the ground, sparks shooting from the top of its head!

Jumpropeman, the Yellow Falcon Hero, quickly finds himself surrounded by a group of Watchers. With speed that no living man could accomplish, the ghost whips out his trusty Jump Rope weapon, spinning in a circle like a top and demolishing the majority of his attackers in one go! But two of them still remain, and with a whirr of gears they make a spirited leap in an attempt to bring the noble spirit down! In their haste, they forget who they are dealing with – Jumpropeman vanishes in an instant, and the two Watchers crash into one another, collapsing in a tangle heap of broken metal!

Pech, the Green Snake Hero, and Oceanus, the Blue Shark Hero, are still in competition even as they wade into the melee! The Space Marine strikes out with his trusty gladius, decapitating many Watchers at once, while the robot makes do with his powerful fists, knocking down many more of the die-cast devils as they try in vain to defend themselves! This eventually comes to a head as, at the same time, they both despatch the same unit at the same time, and the unfortunate robot collapses with a crushed head and a hole in his chest! The two heroes round on each other, glaring.

“That one was mine, Scale Belly!” hollers Oceanus.

“Your assisstance wass unrequired, Junkyard!” hisses Pech. But neither can continue the argument before more Watchers surround them, and the two rivals have to defend themselves from the surprisingly powerful blows!

Widow Maker, the Pink Mantis Hero, knows she is too frail to attempt a direct assault. Instead, she activates her stealth cloak, sneaking up on another group of Watchers trying to move a heavy canister of BMA’s down the stairs. The synthetic soldiers don’t even register the approaching mantis until it is too late – in one swift motion, the heroic bug lashes out with her razor-sharp claws, slicing through metal and wiring like hot butter! The broken robots collapse in a shower of sparks, and Widow Maker quickly grabs the canister and shoves it back into the building, ensuring it hasn’t been damaged by her own attack.

In a few moments, each and every last one of the Watchers has been destroyed. The five Beast Heroes assemble in a circle, keeping their guard up in case more of the mechanical minions arrive on the scene. But a loud CRACK sound allays their fears as the remains of their foes vanish in a flash of orange light – the ruined Watchers have been teleported away, and a retreat like that means no more are forthcoming. As the team relaxes for the moment, Jonesy reaches to the side of her helmet and presses a button, opening a comlink back to the bar.

“We got ‘em, Pit,” she reports. “All the stuff is safe and those Watchers were reduced to scrap!”

“Good work!” cries Pit from his position at the Viewscreen. “Now, get that stuff back in the mausoleum and-”

The com feed is cut in a burst of static that makes Jonesy wince. It was rare for any of the Beast Heroes to suddenly lose contact with the home base, so for the coms to suddenly lose connection like that is worrying. But most worryingly of all, an entirely different voice crackles in – one that rumbles like a bolder rolling down a hill with evil on its mind!

“I’ve been waiting for you, Beast Heroes!” sneers the voice of Overlord Jonah. “Now, prepare to face your doom!”

The Beast Heroes look up just in time to see a dark portal rip open, right above the Major’s Mausoleum…

(You won't believe how many Power Rangers and Super Sentai themes I had to listen to in order to get in the right mindset for this thing. Now, if you excuse me, I have to drink cider until I become insane enough to write Part 2.)