5 Reasons You Should Be Playing Tekken Tag Tournament 2 Right Now

So I got Tekken Tag Tournament 2 yesterday. And it's awesome. And because I'm that sort of person, I'm going to shamelessly plug it and tell you why you should be buying it right now, even if you're not that good at fighting games. But unlike all those other times I've mentioned fighting games and sperged about the in-depth mechanics and whatnot, I'm going to throw the five best parts of the game at you that have nothing to do with actually playing the game. I dunno, maybe some of this will appeal to you.

5. The Music

 

Listen to this. LISTEN TO IT. It's catchy, it's bouncy and you'll have it in your head all damned day. It's like something you could find playing in an actual club somewhere. And that's just the character select screen - the whole game is loaded with amazing pieces that you'll find yourself listening to again and again. Jin's remixed theme from Tekken 3 will get you pumped as all hell, whilst the Customize screen music is all smooth and relaxing. Most of them are by Namco's Akitaka Tohyama, but a fair chunk of them, like the Fiji and Christmas stage themes, are made by other artists, like sanodg and Keiichi Obake. All of them are amazing.

4. Combot and Fight Lab

Say you've picked up Tekken Tag Tournament 2 as your first 3D fighter, and you're a cack-handed button masher who can barely play Street Fighter anyway. That's okay - just head right to the Fight Lab, where Lee Chaolan will fix you up with a Combot and take you through 5 stages of bizzare randomness that secretly teaches you how to not suck in an actual fight. Who knew that caber-tossing Mokujins, wrestling Anna Williams dressed as an octopus and beating up expys of Ken, Ryu and Akuma could teach you so much about playing fighting games?

But that's not all. Going through Fight Lab earns you a special currency separate from the in-game G currency. These points are spent on pimping out your Combot with moves from other characters. Want Heihachi's spin kick, Ogre's wings and Bob's wierd Shoryuken thing? You can have that! Then take your robotic masterpiece online and find out how much of an overpowered monster he is! Go, Combot, Go! We all believe in you!

3. Free DLC Characters

 

Remember Street Fighter X Tekken, when Capcom was forcing us to empty our wallets for twelve extra characters already on the disc? That wasn't cool. Namco has the right idea - all the DLC characters are completely free of charge, and you don't even need them to enjoy the game properly! So you don't need  to have Kunimitsu, Michelle Chang or Angel on your roster, but if you want them, there they are. Go get them. Then play Slim Bob and troll your friends online. Or play Dr. Bosconovitch and relive the good old days. At least you don't have to pay for that shit, right?

2. The Intro Movie

If the sight of Ogre bursting out of the arena floor and spitting fire at a screaming crowd doesn't get you pumped for this game, you are a jaded person. Also, again, the music is just boss - a remix of the classic Tekken Tag Tournament theme that's three times more awesome than the original. Other sights include Lili and Asuka stuck in a lift, Nina and Anna doing their usual thing and Jinpachi infiltrating a taxi cab to get to the tournament. Of all the reasons you should at least give this game a look-over, this alone should convince you.

But even this cinematic masterpiece cannot live up to the epic that is...

1. Tiger Jackson, Bitches

I don't care what you say about any other character in the game. I don't care if Jin's your bog-standard anime anti-hero with superpowers, if Leo is a boy or a girl or if Lars is more tourney-viable. None of them will live up to the sheer, unbridled, "your argument is now invalid" badassery that is Tiger Jackson. Tiger is the kind of man who would listen to Jin whine about his lot in life, casually say "Cool story, bro," and then go out and buy drinks for everyone with his credit card. That's how chill he is.

Look at him. Look at his retro shades, flashy lights and tacky jeans. Look at him busting out his disco dance styles in the middle of the fight and going whoo. This is a man with testicles the size of Texas. He just plain doesn't give a shit about who or what you are. In a fighting tournament that lets you get away with being a robot, a dinosaur or a giant demon with snakes for an arm, Tiger Jackson still has time to break it down right there in the arena, simply because that's what he does. So what if he's an Eddy Gordo pallete-swap? He's still more awesome than rich bitch Lili or grumpy old Feng Wang. Play Tiger Jackson.

So there you have it. Without pulling out the kind of jargon that leaves Scotty scratching his head, five excellent reasons for checking out Tekken Tag Tournament 2. There's loads more I could mention, but then you'd be spending more time reading this thing and less time going out and actually getting the game. Just do it already.

A word of warning, though. Watch out for the swimsuit DLC costumes. Some things aren't meant to be seen by the mortal eye.



Except now you have seen it OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE D: