A small thing to keep in mind: This list does not in any way factor how the Pokémon are viewed competitively. Because I am diametrically opposed to the notion of tiers, wherever a Pokémon is considered tourney-viable or not has no holding on the progression of this list. This is simply those 'Mons I think look cool or inventive or played a big part in my experience with the games.
So here we go!
Unless you're one of those people who don't have an appreciation for the wierd, then Smeargle isn't for you. This is why he makes it so low on the list - he's not really a Pokémon that most would consider "cool" or "inspired" in any way. He's a Normal-type, a typing which is considered mostly useless even in regular casual play. His design is nothing to write home about - a monkey with a paintbrush for a tail and a tongue sticking out like he's tried to eat thistles like Tigger did in The House at Pooh Corner. And he only ever learns one move - Sketch, which randomly turns into one of the many hundreds of moves available, and not all of them useful. So what makes him special compared to the fan favourites like Gardevoir or Lucario?
I guess I like Smeargle exactly for that reason. He's not over-the-top in concept like Lucario or a legendary like Deoxys. Hell, his design is pretty simplistic, even by the standards of most Normal-type Pokémon today. But he's an oddball, one of those Pokémon that even by the wacked-out standards of the world he occupies just doesn't make any logical sense. And sometimes we need the oddballs to balance out the overblown "cool" look of legendaries, or the mundanity of most of the 'mons you find right outside your doorstep. On top of that, Sketch makes him something of an unpredictable foe - no two battles against him are ever the same, and you have to be on your toes all the time. Smeargle is unique because of his oddity, and that's why he makes this list.
Who remembers those Pokémon that could only evolve when traded? Well, up until Black/White, the series was kind of hoping you didn't. Generation 1 introduced it with four different creatures - Haunter, Kadabra, Machamp and Graveler, and Generation 2 then refined the concept by adding Pokémon what could only evolve when traded whilst holding a certain item - Slowbro to Slowking, Onix to Steelix and so forth. But from then on the concept kinda stagnated, with no Pokémon that embraced the concept bringing anything new to the table apart from Clampearl and it's two evolutions. But then along came Shelmet and Karrablast, and they said "Hey, remember when this was new and exciting? We sure do! HAIKIBA!"
Focusing soley on Escavalier, it's easy to see why this makes the list. It's based on the concept of European knights, which means it has an awesome crest on it's head and fucking lances for arms. And if that wasn't badass enough, it's a proper Bug/Steel type, none of that wishy-washy in-betweeny approach Burmy and Wormadam were going for. This means it only has one true type weakness - fire. The rest can only watch in despair whilst Escavalier stabs them full of holes like Swiss Cheese, with it's lance arms. If Chuck Norris was a Pokémon, then Escavalier might not be that Pokémon, but he'd be pretty darn close. Look at him. He's too busy rocking those lance arms to care for your problems. And that's why he's badass.
Ninjask is one of those Pokémon where you just know it's going to be cool. I mean, the name alone rolls beautifully off of the tongue - Ninjask. The moment you hear that name, you know good things will come of it. I mean, I could talk about how much better it's counterpart Shedinja is due to the Wonder Guard ability making it practically invincible, or how it's preevolution Nincada is a horrible bore to train because it takes so long to learn anything decent. I could also mention any of the more viable Bug types out there, like Dustox or Drapion with their poision-based movesets designed for crippling the opposition and much higher attack stats. But basically fuck you, it's Ninjask. It's the Die Hard thing - the fact that it exists quashes all arguments.
I mean, look at it. It's sleek, it's compact, and yet it has claws longer than it's own body and a golden mask like something out of a martial arts drama. It's a look that screams "I might be small, but look away for even a split second and I'll fucking end you". And it's Pokédex entry states that apparently it moves so goddamn fast that for a long time people thought it was literally invisible Anything that moves that fast is definitely worth adding to your collection. Ninjask is probably one of my favourite non-legendary Generation 3 Pokémon of all, if not the best, and it stands out because it was a Pokémon that, from looking at it alone, I knew I had to have when I started out. And that's an achievement, as far as being an awesome Pokémon goes.
Like Smeargle before him, Chatot is one of my favourites because of his completey oddity compared to the rest of the cast. Chatot was one of the first Pokémon to be revealed for the Diamond and Pearl games, alongside Buizel and Mantyke, as a promotion for the upcoming Pokémon Ranger movie starring Manaphy. And we were all hyped as hell for more details on it - we wanted to know if it was a pure Flying type, what moves it could learn, what sort of significance would it play. We were to be dissapointed quite a bit - it stuck to the Normal/Flying mold of most bird Pokémon, it was significantly weaker than most over Flying types and it was only available via trading with some other douche on a random route. It was a novelty, merely existing to flesh out the Pokémon roster than add anything new.
But it's Chatot's unique feature that earns it a spot on my list. Chatter, a move that damages and confuses the opponent, can be customised to play back any sounds you like by speaking into the DS microphone, which also changes it's in-game cry. Now, I want you to imagine facing this thing in a fight and suddenly being confronted with a shout of "HI BILLY MAYS HERE" from this otherwise cute and innocent-looking Pokémon, or even Dante from DmC bragging about his penis size. It's this tiny yet easily-abused feature which puts Chatot at the number 8 spot on this list - sure, it exists only to shoehorn in the DS mic, but who wouldn't want a Pokémon that recites internet memes every time it attacks? I know I would catch it in a heartbeat.
7. Typhlosion
Anyone fortunate enough to choose a Cyndaquil at the start of Gold/Silver, and not stupid enough to pick Chikorita or Totodile, would have their patience rewarded. From a sleepy shrew-thing it evolved into Quilava, which was awesome in it's own right - a flaming badger-weasel with a look of malicious intent and the firepower to back that expression up. But with enough perseverance, levelling up and swearing at enemy Pokémon, both wild and Trainer-owned alike, then an already-cool beastie bulked up into the marvel of creation we call Typhlosion. Evolution doesn't describe the change - it's more akin to a sudden steroid binge that turned it into a hulking mass of awesome - even as a kid, I thought Typhlosion was a baddas mofo.
Look at that majestic yellow and black fur. Look at that collar of flames, so striking and imposing on what would otherwise be a dull and mundane creature. Look at those red eyes, that bellowing mouthful of sharp teeth. This is one of those Pokémon you just don't want to cross, even if you know you have a type advantage against it. If this thing had a voice, it would sound like Christian Bale, storming around the battlefield and yelling at it's comrades that it's going to kick their fucking asses if they don't shut up for a second. On top of that, it was introduced to make Flame Wheel, the cool indie alternative to Fire Blast, a better move by being associated with it. Keep your Feraligatr's, man, this badass badger's where it's at.
Okay, I swear this is gonna be the last bug type that gets featured on this list - Escavalier and Ninjask were already quite enough. But if you've been on Chatzy recently, you will understand fully why I have found a new appreciation for a Pokémon that, apart from the cassette gimmick, seems rather underrated as Pokémon go. Okay, so it's a bit obvious that a Pseudo-Legendary would make this list - they have to look kinda cool in order to make it worth all the effort to capture them, or else no-one would even bother. But Genesect makes this list for one specific reason, one which Gooper Blooper pointed out to us all on the Chatzy but I think bears repeating here. Genesect is basically the Pokémon equivalent of a Zoofighter.
Think about it. He's a prehistoric, carnivorous insect ressurected by a team of morally-questionable scientists and augmented with various mechanical upgrades in order to be a weapon of mass destruction. He has metal plating instead of a carapace and a massive cannon on his back. And to top it off, he can turn into a jet and fucking fly. I don't care if it's coincidental - the moment I catch a Genesect, I am going to name him Gravitas in honour of the wonderful animal pugilism and forum-based frolics that brought us all together. And then I'm gonna teach him Fly, because he can learn that apparently, and sing snatches of the Transformers theme every time we head to a new town. Not sure about checking out his new movie, though.
Ah, the Fossil Pokémon. In Generation 1, they were a novelty - pick one of these two uber-rare, extinct Pokémon and that's it. They kinda got abandoned for Gen 2 before Ruby/Sapphire brought them back with a vengeance, reminding us of how awesome they were. And now every Pokémon games since then has done the concept to death and we're all wishing they'd hurry up and jump the shark by throwing in the inevitable T-Rex/Stegosaurus combo already. But Generation 3's fossil Pokémon deserve a close examination, mostly because they didn't have to rely on stock beasts like Generation 4's felt it had to do. And in my playthrough of Ruby, I picked up Anorith, so that's partly why he makes the Number 5 spot.
I think Anorith was the Pokémon that introduced me to Anomalocaris, the creature that inspired it and it's evolution, Armaldo. Anomalocaris, for the unitiated, was a prehistoric sea creature that lived in the Precambrian era, a voracious predator that used it's spiked mouthparts to grab hold of food and hold it in place to be devoured. For Game Freak to base one of their new Pokémon on a prehistoric creature that had only been recently discovered is pretty ballsy, and on top of that it shows the wealth of imagination they used to have before Black/White started rehashing Pidgey and Rattata. So despite his double-weakness to Grass types and goofy looks, Anorith secures a comfortable 5th place on my Top 11 Favourite Pokémon for sheer imagination.
Let's face it - creating new Pokémon is hard. I have enough trouble conceptualizing an entire roster of starters, let alone 150 of the new bastards. This may explain why Game Freak had to rehash old concepts for Black/White, and also why they often filled the roster of previous games with older Pokémon to save the effort of creating new 'Mons. Now, there is one way to get around this pitfall, and that is to design new evolutions of previous Pokémon to try and give those golden oldies some fresh time in the spotlight. But this is extremely risky, and if you don't do it right (Lickilicky, anyone?) then people are going to hate you for it, wondering why you didn't just use the slots to create new Pokémon instead.
Electivire is a new evolution of a previous Pokémon done right. It's everything one expects an evolved Electabuzz to be - it's muscular, it's bizzare-looking and it has jump-leads for tails - always a bonus in my books. The whole design of the thing screams powerful, brutal and sadistic, not afraid to punch your lights out if you cross it in any way and looking as though it's plotting more pain against your life with every moment. If it were a pro wrestler, it would have this for it's theme and it would employ suplexes and backbreakers at every opportunity. Rhyperior could have taken this spot for similar reasons, but Electivire holds the distinction of looking cooler than it's previous form, which is more than can be said for Magmortar. Or Lickilicky.
I don't really think I need to explain why Bulbasaur even needs to be on this list. But if I didn't, then that would be cheating, so I shall. See, the reason Bulbasaur makes it in here over any of the other starters was because, for players of Red/Blue, he was the only logical choice. The first two Gym Leaders, Brock and Misty, both used types that Bulbasaur, in all of his Grass type glory, had absolutely no trouble curb-stomping given the right training. With enough patience, one could teach Bulbasaur his two big Grass moves, Leech Seed and Vine Whip, in little-to-no time at all, and then one could simply thrash both Leaders without even needing assistance from any other Pokémon on your team at all.
You picked Charmander? How cute. Good luck getting curbstomped by Brock because you forgot to catch a Mankey outside of Vidiran City, close to where Gary F. Oak was lurking. You picked Squirtle? Fair enough, you'd be alright against Brock, but you'd have to comb the grasses looking for Grass types to take on Misty later on, or else you were fucked. But for those of us who had the brains to put aside the dumb argument of which starter is the coolest (IT'S SNIVY YOU MORONS), then Bulbasaur was the only starting Pokémon that made any sense to pick. Start off with this little dino-frog thing and you'd go far, my friend. You'd go so far that Team Rocket would need the Hubble Telescope just to catch the merest glimpse of you.
Yes, I'm not making it any secret that first and third Generations are my favourite, am I? Point is, they stand out because they were the only Pokémon games I completed all the way through at some point. I never beat Gold, so that's why it's lineup doesn't get much attention as the others do on this list. But back on topic - the only argument dumber than which starter was the coolest was which evolution of Eevee was the coolest. Nobody stuck up for plain old vanilla Eevee - it merely existed to allow people access to Super Jolteon Arcade Edition or Ultimate Flareon vs. Erika 3, with some training and a stone's purchase being the only hurdles. But my favourite will always be Vaporeon Continuum Shift Extend, and this is where the analogy breaks down.
I literally have no idea what it is that attracts me to Vaporeon so much. Is it it's more defensive playstyle, with attacks like Acid Armour that contrast with Jolteon's speed bias or Flareon's attack-focused growth? Is it it's sleek, mermaid-inspired design that I always found more aesthetically-pleasing than Jolteon's spikes or Flareon's fluffy appearance? Or was it the fact that I was finally sick of Charmeleon losing in fights and got a quick and dirty Water type to compensate, regardless of the fact that Erika was a Grass type user and therefore a pushover? Nevertheless, you can brag about your Leafeons and Sylveons all you like, but Vaporeon will alwasy be my preferred Eeveelution of choice. (Ugh, I hate that term)
And my Number 1 Favourite Pokémon is...
Now, I know what you're thinking. "Oh, a Legendary/Psychic-type Pokémon got the top spot! I'm looking forward to reading about how SK thinks it looks cute and how it's got all these fancy moves and how it fixes a game-breaking bug and that he genuinely liked the movie it appeared in!" And while I do like Jirachi for some, if not all, of those reasons (I never say Jirachi: Wish Maker, so I can't pass opinion on that), trust me when I say Jirachi doesn't get the top spot on those reasons alone. No, the Wish Pokémon gets here for an extremely specific and strong reason, one which I hope you'll agree with me on - mostly due to the fact that involves inflicting a lot of mental pain on oneself. Brace yourself, because this is gonna be a shocker.
It's the sole reason I played Pokémon Channel.
Allow me to wait whilst you recover from your heart attacks, replace your exploded heads and empty your mind of all those fucks. And then allow me to elaborate on that previous sentence.
As I'm sure everyone who can call themselves a Pokémon fan knows, Pokémon Channel is a godawful abomination. It's like Asura's Wrath in that I'd be hard pressed to even call it a video game, but this doesn't have the excuse of being, well, Asura's Wrath. For all it's faults, Asura's Wrath at least had over-the-top visuals, an epic soundtrack and that non-sequitur hot springs scene. Pokémon Channel is a painful, snore-worthy grind-fest where you baby-sit the world's most ungrateful Pikachu as he watches the same shitty fucking television shows for the eleventy-billionth SHITTY FUCKING TIME okay I'm calm. The point is, with it's utterly asinine setup and card-collecting mechanic, this seems to be the kind of game that assumes children will play anything as long as that fucking yellow rat is on it, and it's just as condescending as you would imagine. Were it not for the somewhat cool shopping channel featuring a sunglasses-wearing Squirtle, as well as the existance of Billy Bob's Huntin'-n-Fishin', I'd be inclined to call this the worst game I've ever played.
But it is worth it, oh, it is so worth sitting through the torture. Once you've unlocked all those channels and extras, found those CD's in the game's clumsy attempt to add some kind of a plot and sat through that god-awful Pichu Bros. cartoon, then you get the opportunity to download Jirachi to your copy of Ruby or Sapphire, provided you have a space in your party. The opportunity to get my hands on this exclusive, ultra-rare Pokémon was the only reason I brought the game - I knew I was diving into pure shit when I loaded the game up, and my only regret was spending money on the thing. But once it was over and I could get my mitts on Jirachi, then the sense of achievement I felt was greater even than beating the Elite Four itself. "Finally," I thought to myself, "a reason to stop playing this godawful waste of ploygons and programming routines!"
When you have to sit through literall Hell to reach the light at the end of the tunnel, then the reward seems all the sweeter when you consider the pain you had to inflict on yourself. Jirachi isn't just my favourite Pokémon of all time - it's the Pokémon that I forced myself to play a shitty spinoff game for. He's the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the gold medal at the end of the marathon, the loving kiss from the princess after the grueling battle against the dragon. His existance alone made purchasing Pokémon Channel completely worth it.
Also, he has a third eye in his stomach.
Fucking creepy.
And now, honourable mentions:
- Omastar: For generally looking badass, but losing out to Anorith on coolness factor.
- Suicine: For being my all-time favourite of any legendary trio. But putting three legendaries on this list would be cheating.
- Marshtomp: For carrying my team through the difficult Flannery period of Ruby. Sadly, was not badass enough to beat out Bulbasaur, currently occupies slot 12 on this list.
- Darkrai: For sparing my parents a grueling drive all the way to Manchester for the sake of an exclusive download event. Thank God for Action Replay. Also for having (imo) the only good movie in the series.
- Krookodile: For basically being Sharptooth in The Land Before Time. Seriously, go check his Pokédex entry.
- The Litwick Family: For being the best fucking concept for Pokémon ever.
...How the HELL did I not link Anorith with Anomalocaris until now?! Before I even read his entry, I saw his picture and everything fell into place. I mean I guess it's partly because I didn't find out about Anomalocaris until a year ago but still... jeez.
ReplyDeleteAlso, quick corrections: Ninjask is actually pretty darn good in battle and his stats blow Dustox out of the water (I like Dustox, but his stats are so low that he's actually hard to use in the normal game, not just fancy-pants competitive play). And Genesect is a full-blown legendary - the "pseudo-legendary" term specifically refers to the elite group of mostly Dragon-types with two evolutions that take forever to get to their final form and have a base stat total of 600 (Dragonite, Garchomp and friends). He's the one and only bug-type legendary, too.
From what I have heard about Pokemon Channel I guessed it was basically Hey You Pikachu's sequel, with the microphone support cut in favor of TV shows. That sound accurate?