Non-Canon Silliness 2: Llamas with Hats

"Caaaaarl, what have you done now?"

"Whatever it was, you can't pin it on me."

"You just took down the entire Society, Carl!"

"That wasn't me, that- that was robot me."

"I watched you do it, Carl!"

"Robot me looks like me. It's like the Terminator."

"It was definitely the real you!"

"Wow, really? Then I have accomplished in ten minutes what the Kobbers are taking three whole months to do. I should get a medal."

"Carl, I watched you drop a Starburst nuke into the reactor!"

"Honest mistake, I thought that was a trash can."

"How- You pushed the Table into the resulting explosion!"

"They kept whining about me taking the Starbust nuke!"

"And then you doused the barracks with gasoline and left it to burn!"

"I was hungy, gimme a break! I like my superhumans well-done."

"Uh, Carl... What's that?"

"What's what?"

"That thing. There, on your back. What is it?"

"Would you believe me if I said... it's a papier machie modern art project?"

"Not this again, Carl!"

"Fine. It's that Stanley kid and his girlfriend."

"Caaaaaaarl!"

"They- they attacked me first! It was self-defense!"

"You know you're not allowed to kill couples!"

"Hey, I kicked plenty off that cruise ship last year. You're only just telling me this now?"

"They had a puppy, Carl!"

"Emphasis on had."

"Uuuh... Carl, shouldn't there be escape pods?"

"Hmm. you're right. Place looks empty without them."

"What did you do, Carl?"

"Probably shot them all down with that rocket launcher I found in the hold. And I loaded it with the puppies I found in the room with the cages."

"...Why does that not surprise me?"

"Well, when you're out of ammo- woah, that was a hand. Did I swallow an entire person again?"

"That would probably be that Lamont guy."

"No wonder I feel bloated."

"You are just- Why did I even consider bringing you along for this holiday?!"

"In my defence, I was planning for this before we even booked the tickets."

"I- I don't understand you, Carl!"

"Well, I have a penchant for violence and extreme sociopathy."

"...Oh."

"I don't get how you haven't figured me out by now."