King of Time Gaiden Part 2

"What's goin' on?"

"What do you mean, what's going on?!" cried Evolto. "I should be asking you that! Didn't I just run you over in a Void Jumper and turn you and the rest of the band into milkshake?!"

"The hell are you on about?" Russ sounded equally as confused. "Where are you? Why's Queen playin' in the background?"

"I'm at the Spirit House!" A sudden urge came over Evolto. He grabbed his shorts and began to hurriedly put them on. But he was still feeling somewhat dazed from the Superfast Jellyfish, and fell over with a yelp and a thump.

"Well, we ain't there, man. We're at Lake Como, Italy. Murdoc bought tickets as an apology for the whole truth serum thing. We've been filmin' for our next single, and Noods and Steph are havin' a blast on the new boats. Also, Stu thinks he saw a lake monster, but I think he's just gone aquaphobic after Plastic Beach."

From the prone position, Evolto finally wiggled into the shorts.

"So I didn't just liquefy you?" he asked.

"No, but can you explain why somebody just bought pizzas on my company card?"

Oh, dear. Russel's voice had gone low. That was when he was most dangerous. Rusell Hobbs very rarely raised his voice, and that was only the second scariest thing about him. When it became even more of a growl than usual, you had to pick your words carefully or risk any number of injury, comical or otherwise. Evolto stared at the phone with a mixture of nervous tension and confusion.

"Wasn't me, man. I just spent the last hour or so eating expired snacks and playing Tekken. And cleaning up the mess," he added, hurridely.

Russ snorted. "Okay, first off, no way that's true. You're shit at Tekken."

"Am not!" Evolto threw a middle finger at his phone.

"Secondly," Russel insisted, "somebody just ordered pizzas. Three of 'em, to be exact. I'm lookin' at the delivery email... one Meat Feast, one anchovy and pineapple - eurgh, Muds' favourite - and one pepperoni with BBQ sauce. You wouldn't know anythin' about that, right?"

"Are you kidding?" cried Evolto as he wrestled the t-shirt over his head. "Last time I borrowed somebody's card, I had to go work as a hotel maid until I could pay it all back! I ain't goin' back to that life, man! Even if the outfit does look good on me!"

"Well, somebody just did. And if I gotta freeze my card because of- Oh, hold on a second, Stu just fell in the lake. I'll call you back, 'kay?"

The phone went silent. But Evolto's mind was racing. The facts didn't add up. Not only were Gorillaz alive, they hadn't even been in the house. They'd been elsewhere all this time, and also somebody - not him - had been ordering pizzas on their dime. So if he hadn't just killed one of the most influential bands of the mid Two-Thousands, then who's slurry did he just send Kouta out to reconstitute into...?

He walked back into the dining room.

The goo had been trying to stand up. It had faded to corpse white in colour, sprouted too many eyes and jutting fangs and tried to pull itself into a coherant shape. But there wasn't enough of it left for that anymore, too much of it obliterated by cosmic forces. Evolto arrived just in time to see it finally evaporate with a hiss and the stench of rotten eggs and dead fish.

A memory struck him like a speeding truck.

"Oh, shit."

King of Time Gaiden Part 1

Things were not great at the place the band known as Gorillaz called home.

Murdoc had never really given up on being a shithead. Despite everything the band had been through, none of the lessons seemed to stick in his head. The fame and fortune of the band had never been enough - he always had at least one finger on the thread of some criminal or supernatural connection to try and boost himself even further into success. This time, he'd been on the trail of a particularly nasty demon that had taken refuge in 2D - why, nobody knew.

But his idea of negotiations with a being of the astral plane was to lure 2D out to a nearby petrol station, under the pretext of a friendly afternoon drive, and then jab him with a needle full of truth serum.

Thankfully, the other three band members had arrived before any real damage could be done. Well, to 2D. Russel contributed to Murdoc's ninth broken nose, and Noodle didn't exactly make much effort in pulling the drummer off of him. And all while Stephen had been exorcising the demon out of 2D with what recipes he could call on. The Skinwalker Incident had left him low on supplies of magic ingredients, unfortunately.

So to say that the last few days had been trying would be an understatement. Murdoc had become sulky, feeling that nobody had wanted to hear his side of the story. Russel was deathly quiet and both 2D and Noodle kept very far away from them both. Stephen had tried to play meditator, but one catty comment too many had caused him to snap and he'd threatened to eat both bassist and drummer before storming out. It had taken Noodle half the day and several bowls of chashu ramen to calm him down.

Things weren't much better today. It had been a warm, lazy day where nobody wanted to put effort into anything, so Russel had ordered pizza. They were all sitting at the table, opening up the boxes to let the smell of cheese, meat and grease fill the dining room for what felt like the umpteenth time. Murdoc was sitting a little further away from everyone else, and Noodle sat a little closer to both 2D and Stephen. all three of them between Murdoc and Russel. Nobody was looking each other in the eye.

The silence was broken when 2D turned to Stephen, coughed and said:

"Um, could you pass the hot sauce?"

And then a Bleed-traversing spacecraft burst out of reality like pus from a boil in the middle of the dining room.

It may be comforting to know that the band did not notice this. Because its entry was accompanied by a pulse of raw space-time energy that instantly liquified them on impact.

Like Lightning, Part 2: Send In The Clowns

“Dawn, I hate to be this one, but why is it that everywhere you go, no one likes you?”

Dawn’s response was to turn upside down, her hair remaining alarmingly in place despite the rig holding her having completely reversed her usual vertical position. Static electricity, she’d have said.

“People like me.”

“I have yet to meet one. Even the Kobbers just sort of go “Oh that Dawn, yeah she’s...acceptable.” Neeko, you don’t count. Provided they didn’t hurt you, you like everyone.”

Neeko nodded. “Neeko always try to. Sho’ma good for telling who is good and who is not.”

“If I had to venture a theory, beyond any flaws on my part, it’s because a lot of people insist on attaching all sorts of nonsensical smoke to their interactions. I’m not talking about being polite, I’m talking about putting on airs, presenting a false front, being a salesman, all that. A lot of people tolerate it or don’t know how to handle it, so they default to tolerating it. Myself, I don’t have the patience for it. So I push it aside and ask to get down to business. And they take it personally, because too many people tie their egos to their interactions. Which, I will point out, you have history with as well, Miss Merilee.”

“I never drew leather on anyone who-”

“Didn’t really ask for it. This is a circular argument and while I love debating, neither of you have the right mindset for it. That’s not an insult.” Dawn said, cutting Joy off. “I mean neither of you like to do it. Which is just what I need here. Someone who doesn’t feel the need to play around, either due to hardness or softness.”

“So what precisely do you want us to do?”

“Well, it’s simple. Get a job.”

“What’s the catch?”

“The job.”