KoB 199X - SK's Character Themes

Because I might as well give you something while you wait for the next Gravity Llama and Beast Heroes Part 2.

This is basically all the musical pieces that I think fit all the major characters I have used so far. To mix things up, however, I have picked two songs for each character - one that would appear in a sort of "movie soundtrack" collection, and one for a more traditional mix-tape thing. So here we go.

The Arbiters
Soundtrack Song: "Hello Zepp" by Charles Clouser.

Why?: "Hello Zepp" was the first song I used as a theme for the Arbiters - before I envisioned them as what they are now, there was originally going to be only one Arbiter, who would have been a lame Jigsaw Killer ripoff. This facet of their world remains in the form of Inferno Penitentiary, where the deadly Trials resemble the traps one would find in a Saw movie. The music could also represent the emotions of a criminal being chased by the Arbiters - moments of tension punctuated by wild panic, ending in the felon's capture as the music fades out. If anything, the song speaks volumes about the Arbiters and their methods.

Album Song: "The Midnight Crew (Post-Punk Version)", taken from Homestuck.

Why?: Let me make this perfectly clear - I don't care for Homestuck, nor do I intend to start reading it. If you want someone to sperg about it, find Deleter or AlextheJanitor, they can tell you. Having said that, though, this cover of the 1909 song by Eddie Morton is strangely fitting for the Arbiters. Not only does it sound like something you might hear on the radio in their authoritarian state, but the lyrics also fit the character of Solomon to a tee - a man with strong morals who works in the dead of night, confronting criminals with nothing more than a stun baton reverse-engineered from alien technology.

Pit and Dark Pit
Soundtrack Song: "Main Theme" and "Dark Pit's Theme" from Kid Icarus: Uprising, respectively.

Why?: Those are their respective themes from the game, and I like to keep a tradition going. While the Main Theme is all bold and heroic, as fits Pit, Dark Pit's Theme is an ominous tune with hints of Spanish guitar that complement his"bad-boy" attituide. Both very fitting themes, although Dark Pit's theme keeps making me imagine him being voiced by Antonio Banderas.

Album Song: "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz and "Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO, respectively.

Why?: "Dynamite" is an upbeat, feel-good tune that, in my opinion, matches Pit's personality very well - he just wants to have a good time and forget all the stress and troubles the world throws at him. Dark Pit, by contrast, is a narcissistic chode who would probably screw the kitchen sink if it wore a miniskirt. He gets the LMFAO tune because it reflects his own arrogance and opinion of his self image.

Wukong
Soundtrack Song: "Eternal Challenger (Theme of Ryu)" from Asura's Wrath.

Why?: It's the premium song for martial artists. In all honesty, I couldn't think of anything else, so you get this until I can think of something better.

Album Song: "Kung Fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas or "Theme from The Monkees" by The Monkees.

Why?: Three guesses why.

Alex
Soundtrack Song: "Eternal Paradise" from Tekken Tag Tournament 2.

Why?: This is a remix of "More Healthy", from Tekken 2, which was the first appearance of both Alex and his kangaroo partner Roger. Both characters and the Beach stage they appeared on were secret, and Alex could be unlocked by clearing Stage 3 with low health. Because Alex is a rather silly character, this upbeat, cheery music piece fits him quite well. You can almost imagine him dancing to it.

Album Song: "Walk the Dinosaur" by Was (Not Was).

Why?: He's a dinosaur, obviously. Also, the schizophrenic themes of the song fit his nature - he's a prehistoric creature genetically engineered in a modern lab with kangaroo DNA filling the gaps in his genome. So it is quite possible that watching Miami Vice whilst eating rattlesnake would be something Alex would do.

More will appear here if I introduce any more characters.

90's Bar - Beast Heroes (Part 1 of 2)

~Inferno Stronghold, Mirror Dimension~

"Commander Vile! My glass needs polishing!"

Vile, the head scientist of the Inferno Corps, jumps at the sound of the booming voice that echoes around the room. "A-at once, my Lord!" he stammers, grabbing a cloth from his workbench and running over to the source of the command.

This happens to be large glass tank lodged into the wall of the room, surrounded by various pressure dials, switches and other strange gizmos. In this tank, floating in a bubbling mixture of chemicals and preservatives, is a brain. And not just any brain - this is the brain of someone who had decided that dying was an optional extra in the great restaurant of life. Someone who had something weighing so heavily on ther minds that they stuck their middle finger up at Grandfather Death for the sake of getting it over and done with.

In short, this was a man with a huge personal grudge.

"To think," snarls the voice of Jonah, "that those mutant freaks from the King of Beast could have reduced me to this! To defy my claim to their squalid dimension was bad enough, but to destroy my mortal body and render me helpless like this is a crime beyond all reckoning! I cannot move or feel or see, and it is all because of those hapless lowlifes!"

"They made a mistake in crossing you," encourages Vile as he runs the cloth over the glass of the tank. "And they shall all suffer because of it. Your fellow Arbiters were foolish to imprison you here - now you have access to every sample of alien tech that ever landed here!"

"Indeed!" The laugh that rolls from the wall-mounted speakers is of the patented, sinister type. "And my latest plan will ensure that I will take my revenge against those misfits and conquer their dimension in one swift stroke! Tonight, the King of Beasts falls!"

The evil laughter that echoes round Castle Vergil goes on for many minutes.

-----

~The King of Beasts Speakeasy, Zoofights City, Our World~

"It wass my turn to take out the garbage lasst week, russtbucket!"

"No, it was mine, chopper-face!"

Gezora the Squid, bartender of the King of Beasts, sighs in irritation as it polishes a glass. These frankly stupid arguments had been going on for at least two weeks now, and the fact that it had been the same two people every single time only made it even more annoying. This latest quarrel - the third one today so far - was the last straw as far as the mollusc was concerned. Setting its task aside for the moment, it swings around to face the perpetrators, its many stomachs sloshing with the motion.

"Gezora will politely ask you two," it grumbles, "to shut up. The next time Gezora asks, it will eat you both."

The guilty parties, a squat green robot in scuba gear and a tall reptillian humanoid, shoot angry glares at Gezora. Neither one had been particularly cheerful that morning, and the squid's interruption of their spat has done nothing to improve their moods.

"Don't look at me, Gez!" retorts the short robot. "It's not my fault Pech has to act all high-and-mighty when it's his turn to do the chores!"

"And it iss not my fault, Oceanuss," hisses Pech, red eyes learing down upon the robot, "if you are a lazy pile of sscrap who sshirkss hiss dutiess!"

"You want to say that to my fist, reptile breath?!" Oceanus raises one iron-plated fist in a threat.

"Gezora cannot believe what it is hearing!" The giant squid throws up both tentacles in exasperation, beak clacking audibly. "Gezora thought you two were supposed to be part of a secret superhero team! Instead, Gezora finds you squabbling like children!"

"Gezora's right, you guys!"

Pech and Oceanus turn towards the source of the voice - the arcade. Leaning against the door frame, a slice of pizza in one hand, is the angelic warrior Pit. The angel has not been in the bar as long as the other two patrons, but he is smart enough to realize that there is a problem between the two, and one that needs to be sorted. Robot and Space Marine glare at the young boy as he takes another bite from his meal.

"You can't keep fighting like this," continues Pit through a mouthful of cheesy goodness. "If you want to do your bit as part of the Beast Heroes, you're going to have to learn to work together. And besides, I already took the trash out, so this argument was basically pointless."

"Eassy for you to ssay, Featherss," retorts Pech with an ugly laugh. "I would rather fall on my own gladiuss than desspoil my honour working with thiss malformed lump of circuitry!"

"For booting up cold, Pech!" Oceanus thumps a table with a steel fist, leaving a sizeable dent in the woodwork. "You're not in the Void anymore! All this 'honour' crap doesn't fly when people work in a team! You, of all people, show know this - you commanded a legion back then!"

Pech rounds on Oceanus with a furious hiss, but never gets to say anything before the gang are deafened by loud, blaring alarms. The room flashes with red as warning lights flicker on and off, and sudden panic flares through the expressions of everyone present. These alarms can mean only one thing.

"ALERT! ALERT!" blares the voice of Sentinel, the King of Beast's hyper-intelligent computer system. "DIMENSIONAL BREACH DETECTED!"

Almost in an instant, doors fly open as other patrons rush into the bar, alerted to the trouble by Sentinel's disturbing report. Jonesy, wife of esteemed billionaire Erebus Svilzerian, dashes in from the ladies' bathroom, still carrying her makeup kit in one hand. Widow Maker, proffessional giant mantis and part-time bounty hunter, buzzes in through the front doors in anticipation of adventures. And last but not least, the ghostly warrior Jumpropeman shirked his usual method of teleporting through walls to fly through the open doorway to the back room, where lots of silly technological gadgets are kept.

"What's going on?!" hollers Jonesy, hurridley wiping blusher from her face so no-one would ask what she had been up to.

"Sentinel's detected a dimensional rift from the Mirror Dimension," shouts Jumpropeman over the blaring alarms. "Overlord Jonah's up to no good again!"

"Lower the Viewscreen!" bellows Pech.

Immediately, Sentinel turns off the alarms, leaving a ringing sensation in the ears of all present as they adjust to the silence. At the same time, a panel in the roof swings down to reveal a massive, flat screen, which Sentinel powers on with a flash of light. A satellite map of the city, taken from images intercepted by the computer’s systems, appears on the screen, and close examination reveals red dots surrounding one particular area of the map.

“He’s sent in his troops to raid the Major’s Mausoleum!” Widow Maker cries, antennae twitching in disbelief as she scans the images. “There’s a wealth of alien technology in that place – dimensional discombobulators, X-Enzyme missiles, Murducken Kitchen Brutalizers and who knows what else!”

“Imagine,” snarls Pech, clenching one gloved fist in rage. “An entire army’s worth of weaponry in the hands of that evangelical madman. The city would be brought to its knees in seconds!”

“Then you have no time to waste!” Gezora swings it’s bulk to face the bargoers. “Gezora commands that you morsels must get to the Mausoleum and stop them before they get anything valuable! Gezora will run out of customers if they succeed!”

Jonesy is the first to leap into action, dashing over to the counter and pulling out a hidden drawer from within the woodwork. Inside this compartment are five strange devices that resemble the stylized heads of animals – a lion, a shark, a snake, a mantis and a falcon. These are the Beast Changers, powerful gizmos designed by the otherworldly mechanic Celestia for use in circumstances such as these. In a rush, the blonde-haired heroine has thrown a Changer to each of her four other companions, each one catching them and strapping them to their wrists.

“Move out, team!” barks Jonesy as she puts on her own Beast Changer. “We’ve got drones to demolish!”

“And hopefully,” adds Oceanus as he joins the team in dashing out of the bar, “I’ll get to punch that smug jarhead Jonah in the face!”

“That honour belongss to me, trasshcan!”

The two continue to argue as they leave, their shouting voices growing faint as they head down the street. With a heavy sigh, Pit finishes his pizza and heads over to the counter, leaning over to whisper in whatever Gezora has for an ear.

“Think they’ll ever settle their differences?” he enquires.

“Gezora says either they work together,” rumbles the giant mollusc, “or they argue and die. Gezora doesn’t care which right now.”

And with that, the squid shuffles over to the other end of the counter, serving drinks to the shadowy patrons who don’t converse with our heroes. Pit stares after the retreating bulk, then shrugs and hops over to the Viewscreen, which unfolds a keyboard and other cool switches as he approaches. From here, Pit begins to monitor the progress of the gang, represented on the map as green dots moving quickly down the lane.

One person hasn’t offered to move. Sitting in his corner, Jaxx Tantra stares at the doorway the five have left by, taking a swig of cheap whisky.

“Fucking idiots,” he mutters.

-----

It isn’t long before the four have reached the centre of Zoofights City, where the Major’s Mausoleum is. This crumbling monument to the military hippo has been here for as long as anyone can remember, stoic and unchanging as the rest of the city grew and flourished around it. Inside are relics of Zoofights past and gone, and some that may have happened in some freaky alternate timeline but we can’t be sure. But the point is, every single thing on display has the capacity to reduce civilization to rubble and caveman tribes, or at least take someone’s face off in some horrible way.

Which is exactly why the blank, faceless androids are looting it! By the time the five have arrived, the general public have fled, leaving the automatons to do as they please with the building. As they diligently smash windows and pile their ill-gotten gains outside the main entrance, each one glints in the sunlight, the mark of a two-headed eagle clutching a sword and scabbard visible on their chests! This mark is one that the five are extremely familiar with, and one that at least two of the assembled would sooner forget!

“Watchers,” growls Jonesy, clenching her fists. “This is Jonah’s work. alright.”

“But what could that pickled freak possibly want with the things in the Mausoleum?” wonders Jumpropeman as he observes the mechanical minions at work.

“Who cares?” Widow Maker is practically dancing on the spot, her claws swinging this way and that. “We’ve got a job to do, gang!”

“Let’s do this, team!” hollers Jonesy.

Then, in a move that would have surprised anyone present, the five calls out the battle cry:

“BEAST HEROES, TRANSFORM!”

And in complete sync, they take up identical stances and grip a key-like protrusion on their respective Beast Changers. Each one then twists their respective Changer Keys, activating just one of the many systems installed within their devices! The Beast Changers glow with eye-hurting, multi-coloured light, which swiftly envelopes their wielders as the five undergo a startling transformation!

Their optics shorted by the light, the Watchers are unable to pinpoint its source, and therefore can do nothing to prevent it. By the time it dissipates and their sensors recover, the fabricated foot soldiers find themselves staring at their inevitable undoing! Where once stood five, completely unrelated weirdoes, there now stands the greatest team of heroes Zoofights City has ever known, each dressed their respective colour of spandex outfit and matching helmet! Jonesy is dressed in fiery red; Widow Maker is clad in pink, Jumpropeman in yellow, Pech in a rather obvious green, and Oceanus a watery blue!

As one, the five pose heroically and give out the old battle cry that strikes fear into the processors of their foes:

“BEAST HEROES! ASSEMBLE!”

And the battle begins as the five Beast Heroes charge at the Watchers!

Jonesy, the Red Lion Hero, heads straight for the leading Watcher, marked out by a golden faceplate that distinguishes it from its companions. The mechanical mook sees her approaching, and quickly lashes out with a powerful punch, trying to intercept the incoming heroine! But it is all for naught – ducking under the blow, Jonesy responds with a vicious uppercut to the robotic chin that crumples the metal and damages the vital circuits within! The Watcher staggers back before collapsing to the ground, sparks shooting from the top of its head!

Jumpropeman, the Yellow Falcon Hero, quickly finds himself surrounded by a group of Watchers. With speed that no living man could accomplish, the ghost whips out his trusty Jump Rope weapon, spinning in a circle like a top and demolishing the majority of his attackers in one go! But two of them still remain, and with a whirr of gears they make a spirited leap in an attempt to bring the noble spirit down! In their haste, they forget who they are dealing with – Jumpropeman vanishes in an instant, and the two Watchers crash into one another, collapsing in a tangle heap of broken metal!

Pech, the Green Snake Hero, and Oceanus, the Blue Shark Hero, are still in competition even as they wade into the melee! The Space Marine strikes out with his trusty gladius, decapitating many Watchers at once, while the robot makes do with his powerful fists, knocking down many more of the die-cast devils as they try in vain to defend themselves! This eventually comes to a head as, at the same time, they both despatch the same unit at the same time, and the unfortunate robot collapses with a crushed head and a hole in his chest! The two heroes round on each other, glaring.

“That one was mine, Scale Belly!” hollers Oceanus.

“Your assisstance wass unrequired, Junkyard!” hisses Pech. But neither can continue the argument before more Watchers surround them, and the two rivals have to defend themselves from the surprisingly powerful blows!

Widow Maker, the Pink Mantis Hero, knows she is too frail to attempt a direct assault. Instead, she activates her stealth cloak, sneaking up on another group of Watchers trying to move a heavy canister of BMA’s down the stairs. The synthetic soldiers don’t even register the approaching mantis until it is too late – in one swift motion, the heroic bug lashes out with her razor-sharp claws, slicing through metal and wiring like hot butter! The broken robots collapse in a shower of sparks, and Widow Maker quickly grabs the canister and shoves it back into the building, ensuring it hasn’t been damaged by her own attack.

In a few moments, each and every last one of the Watchers has been destroyed. The five Beast Heroes assemble in a circle, keeping their guard up in case more of the mechanical minions arrive on the scene. But a loud CRACK sound allays their fears as the remains of their foes vanish in a flash of orange light – the ruined Watchers have been teleported away, and a retreat like that means no more are forthcoming. As the team relaxes for the moment, Jonesy reaches to the side of her helmet and presses a button, opening a comlink back to the bar.

“We got ‘em, Pit,” she reports. “All the stuff is safe and those Watchers were reduced to scrap!”

“Good work!” cries Pit from his position at the Viewscreen. “Now, get that stuff back in the mausoleum and-”

The com feed is cut in a burst of static that makes Jonesy wince. It was rare for any of the Beast Heroes to suddenly lose contact with the home base, so for the coms to suddenly lose connection like that is worrying. But most worryingly of all, an entirely different voice crackles in – one that rumbles like a bolder rolling down a hill with evil on its mind!

“I’ve been waiting for you, Beast Heroes!” sneers the voice of Overlord Jonah. “Now, prepare to face your doom!”

The Beast Heroes look up just in time to see a dark portal rip open, right above the Major’s Mausoleum…

(You won't believe how many Power Rangers and Super Sentai themes I had to listen to in order to get in the right mindset for this thing. Now, if you excuse me, I have to drink cider until I become insane enough to write Part 2.)

Summer Cleaning

It's like Spring Cleaning, but in the wrong season.

So I did a little tidying up. Namely, I deleted that old Harvest Moon LP/Fanfic thing that was never gonna be finished in any measure at all. A few other bullshitty things have gone as well, and I changed my blog name. It's easier on the tongue than Kombat Temple of Ormagoden.

Watch this space - I have a treat for you all.

God Damn I'm So Bored

So have a stupid YouTube video.

An Aside - Miscommunication

"Careful with that- don't, you'll scratch the paint!"

"¡Increíble! Simply astounding!"

"Amazing workmansssship! You can hardly ssssee the sssseamssss!"

A ringing chime of amazement from Jimmy punctuated Bobby's statement as they and Marcus overlooked Pit's new jetpack. The first thing the angel did upon waking up was put the thing on and zoom straight over to Delia's house, where the gang were having a big shared breakfast in celebration of their achievements on the stage. Needless to say, Bobby was still covered in bacon grease after the dramatic entrance Pit made, but that was a minor concern right now as the half-Japanese collection of snakes gaped at the machine Celestia had made. Even Marcus, who knew as much about machines as a rabbit knows about space travel, could appreciate the time and effort put into the contraption.

"And you ssssay it'ssss sssself-powered? Remarkable!" Bobby was currently examining the fan on the back of the device, their multiple tongues flickering in curiosity.

Pit positively beamed, his wings flapping reflexively. "That's right - it's all air power! All I have to do is flap my wings and I'm airborne!"

Jimmy, having colaesced into a solid form with mutliple feelers, rattled with wonder as he traced the contours of the jetpack's form with one tentacle. He did this gingerly, of course, in order that Pit wouldn't chew him out for scratching the paint.

"I know, right? To think that thissss Ccccelesssstia woman made thissss marveloussss contraption jusssst for Featherssss here!"

Pit chuckled a little, rubbing the back of his head with one hand. "Well, I did tell her about my... disability, and she was more than happy to help. At least I can go up to Cloud Seven and get hammered with Gabe now."

"Sssshe musssst be a really wonderful persssson." A rare complement - Bobby was not one for doling out praise to just anyone.

"Yeah, she is."

A sudden grin appeared on Marcus' spine-stubbled face. "Oh, I see how it is, amigo," he chuckled, propping the jetpack down on the sofa were it wouldn't be damaged.

Pit blinked in confusion. "Do you?"

"Of course!" The catcus man boomed with good-natured laughter as he put one burly arm around the angel's shoulder. "I was the same with Delia when I first met her, and believe me, I know flechazo when I first see it! It's only natural you'd want to repay this girl for helping you out!"

A mixture of comprehension and nervous terror creeped upon Pit. Marcus thought that he... fancied Celestia? How the hell did he even come to that conclusion?! Yes, she'd helped the angel to fly, after all these years, but he barely even knew her! That was hardly grounds for something like that! More to the point, she was already a mother, and in Pit's considered opinion: ew, no, no way, no thank you. There were boundaries even the angel wouldn't cross, not even for a hundred bags of candy!

"Uh, heh heh, very funny, Marcus. But I don't-"

"Oh, don't worry, chico!" Marcus continued to talk as he guided Pit to the window, still talking and gesturing enthusiastically. "You can count on me to help you out! Firstly, you'll need to take her out-"

Pit tried again. "Marcus, you've got the wrong-"

"-not a drive-thru movie, you need to show her you have standards! I hear that Titanic movie is pretty good-"

Bobby had a go. "Marcussss, that'ssss not-"

"-burritos won't do, of course! Something appropriate, like lamb and mint sauce! Then you-"

Jimmy rattled something in his language.

"-and then you look her in the eyes, hold her hands and tell her how much she-"

"Oh, for fuck's sake..." Pit slowly dropped his face into both palms, not even listening to Marcus anymore. Of all the ways he wanted the day to start off... well, this wasn't the wosrt, but it was certaintly going to make the top five list. Even Bobby and Jimmy had given up, watching their friend endure the lecture with expressions of sympathetic pain.

They didn't even notice the white llama trot by the window. We'll get to that later.

Epic Music Is A-Go

So Jake and I are going to Download Music Festival over the weekend. This means that we will be standing in the rain and mud in some cold field somewhere, trying not to drink concert water and unable to RP. So consider my plots on hold until Monday, unless I can get back in time for shenanigans.

On the plus side, Black Sabbath and Tenacious D.

\m/

Aftermath

Washing the dishes was never Pit's favourite activity. It wasted time that could have been spent doing better things, like beating the 150cc Special Cup on R.O.B Kart 65 or eating ice cream. So he wasn't too pleased when, after a messy meal of various spicy foods at Delia's place, he was the one nominated to clean up after everyone else. As much as he liked to believe it was out of courtesy, he secretly knew that Bobby has set him up, the crafty bastards. So here he was, in front of a sinkful of suds and water, pulling faces of disgust as he scrubbed the sludgy remains of bean burrito from a plate.

It didn't help that he'd been in a sour mood in the first place anyway, what with losing the King of the Ring Fite yesterday. He hadn't been able to make head nor tail of what was going on - some person has shown up that Jonesy and Zephyrus hated, Captain Haddock was using a skipping rope, for some reason, then there was a ninja, and it kind of got blurry from there. And the whole thing about the Sintendo Building being destroyed was a nice handful of salt in the wound - as much as he hated working at the place, he would never wish avything like that on his old colleagues.

It didn't help that Bobby wouldn't shut uuuuup.

"Sssserioussssly, he wassss ssssecond out of the ring!" The snakes were writing with glee as they retold their story. "And now, thankssss to a generoussss Jimmy, We're fifty dollarssss richer!"

An angry series of clangs announced that Jimmy was not entirely happy about losing that particular bet. Then again, who wouldn't be a little ticked off after losing all that money to Bobby? It was a wonder that the reptile hadn't wheeled everybody out of their life savings by now. Pit shrugged mentally as he finished the plates and moved on to the glasses.

"At least he tried, amigo," came Delia's strident voice - the cactus girl wasn't exactly in the mood to appreciate Bobby's victory, either. "Which, I know for a fact, is better than you could do!"

Again came the hollow, pan-flute laugh. "Really? Becausssse between you and us, better to make ssssure everyone got at leasssst a few bitessss than to jusssst down one persssson and then fail for the resssst of the Fite!"

"¡Cállate!" That was Marcus, the beefy plant loafing in a bean bag chair. "That funny man with the guitar is back on!" The sound of epic Heavy Metal riffs permeated through walls of the kitchen as Pit began to wash the knives, starting with the one used to cut up the peppers. It looked wickedly sharp - the Sahara family were known for their cleanliness and efficiency, if nothing else.

Bobby, of course, payed no mind to Marcus' shouts and went on talking. "Honessstly, though, We know We could have done better. We mean, why didn't Angel Facccce jusssst fly up and out of the way?!"

Pit stopped washing.

The house had gone awfully silent, save for the sounds of the programme.

"...I think, Bobby, it's becaue the pobrecito... actually can't fly."

A derisve snort from eight sets of nostrils. "You're joking. An angel that can't fly?! That'ssss the dumbesssst thing we've ever heard!"

Pit's grip tightened on the knife.

A warning clatter from Jimmy echoed round the house.

Pit's shoulders began to shake.

"But he could fly in hissss game, ssssurely? What'ssss the-?!"

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE!!!"

The knife sailed through the out of the kitchen and, with a thunk, embedded itself into the wall just short of one of Bobby's heads. Delia screamed, dropping her orange juice in shock. Marcus gave a yell as he fell backwards out of the bean bag chair. Jimmy dropped to the floor, clanging in terror. And as for the snakes, their vision was suddenly filled with the face of the angriest angel they had seen so far.

"Woah, ssssteady on, We only-"

"WIRES! Wires and STUNT ACTORS! You really thought I could actually FLY?! That'd be pretty fucking peachy, wouldn't it?! Maybe I'd have stood a fucking CHANCE against that flying maggot and the fucking robot and GOD knows who that bitch in the helmet was! But NO, Pit's mommy was on the Pipe while she was pregnant, and now his wings don't fucking WORK right!"

By way of demonstration, the ranting Pit leapt into the air, beating his wings madly. Even though his wings seemed the correct size for someone of his age, they barely kept him airborne for more than a second before he had to drop down again. Jimmy cowered down as a white feather, shaken loose, landed on him.

"Why did it have to be ME, eh?! Answer me THAT, you fucking Japano-Spanish tangle of alcoholic reptiles! Why did it have to be ME who got stuck with the shitty, not-working wings and end up the laughing stock of the entire fucking species?! Why was it ME who had to have all the special treatment and the fucking insurance forms filled out at Sintendo in case I fucking HURT myself?! Why...?!"

Pit's anger began to dissolve visibly, as he realised that maybe throwing a knife at someone just because they insulted your lack of flying ability may not be the best thing to do.

"Why...?"

Tears came to his eyes, and his breath came in choked sobs.

"Why can't I be normal?"

In a flash, Delia's arms were around him, and he didn't even register the spines as he began to weep into her shoulder, the cactus woman muttering soothingly in Spanish as she held him close. Jimmy lifted his non-euclidian form from the floor, shook of the feather and turnted to Bobby in what could only be described as a glare. The snakes could only watch the scene with open mouths, simultaneously terrified of their friend's newfound rage and shocked at the unfortunate revalation behind his handicap.

For a moment, there was complete and total silence, save for the television going on about how M is for METAL!

Then Marcus pushed himself upright, looked around the scene and grinned.

"Well, I think I know how to fix this, chicos," he boomed, as if nothing particularly shocking had happened at all. "Another helping of Carnitos Burritos Suprema! Delia, you fetch the salsa while I-"

Ding Dong.

Practically everyone jumped at the sound of the doorbell going off. There was yet another pause as they tried to figure out who would call at this hour of the day.

Then Pit sighed heavily, wiping his eyes.

"I'll get it," he mumbled, and made his way to the door as Bobby clamped a mouth around the knife and yanked it quickly out of the wall. Wouldn't want to give anyone the wrong impression, right?

Right. Especially seeing, upon opening the door, how Pit found himself face to face with a figure he knew all too well from his recent bar visits.

"Pit Angelos, laddie? Ah've got sum awfie news..."

-----

"Our top story tonight - Daisy Rochefort, Sintendo Star and aspiring fashion model, has slipped into a coma due to severe brain trauma following the destruction of the Sintendo Building. Despite best efforts, the doctors at Hippangopotalin Hospital were unable to revive the young actor after she was pulled from the wreckage of the destroyed building, one of Sintendo's many office around the world responsible for creating their games and consoles. As of yet, it is unknown wherever Daisy will ever awaken, and many experts fear that permanent brain death may soon follow. The search continues to locate Subject 27, the interdimensional criminal responsible for the building's destruction.

"We go now live to Bruce Kent, reporting from Maul Street as Sintendo Corporation's market shares stagger from such a terrible blow..."

-----

The doors to the hospital burst open.

"Slow doon, laddie! Ah'm nae as young as I wuz!"

Sandalled feet charge down the corridor.

"Wait, cariño, wait!"

Doctors and nurses are sent flying.

"Our sssscalessss are killing ussss!"

And Harvey Harolds, Chief Medical Advisor of Hippangopotalin Hospital, got the shock of his life when Pit burst into the ward and, with a despairing wail, flung himself at the bed where his patient lay. Wrapping his arms around her shoulders, the angel buried his face into her brown hair and wept aloud, knowing full well that she wouldn't even be able to respond to him, probably had no idea that he was even there or what he was doing. And that made it worse.

Samson, Delia and Bobby stood outside the door, looking mournfully at the scene.

There was nothing they could say.

(Sad times abound for our heroes. Will Lucy be brought to justice for this terrible atrocity? Will Pit ever overcome his crippling self-esteem issues? Will Marcus ever cook those Carnitos Burritos Suprema? Stay tuned to find out!

Or not, as the case may be.)