Better Off Alone (NSFW)

WARNING: The following contains themes not suited for younger audiences or those of more sensitive dispotion. Viewer discretion is advised.

"And in related news, the Olympia Police Department have released the names of the two men killed in a bizzare incident in the Undercity Market Square. The individuals, Mercurio Pozzi and Umberto Ardizzone, were found dead outside a fruit stall owned by local gardener Bertrand Bellincioni at half past three two weeks ago in a mangled condition, with the only clue being an unidentifiable energy trace on the corpse of Ardizzone.

"Police have yet to identify the killer of the two men, who were known to be associates of the small-time Capitani crime family-"

"THE VEG DID IT"

"Stew, this isn't the time to editorialize right now."

"No, come on, it's so obvious! Two men dead in front of a fruit and veg stall?! CHECK THE VEG! The real killer's there!"

"...you never got over that incident with the courgette in high school, huh?"

"I swelled up like a balloon, Chick! It was awful! And I know for a fact that anything that grows underground is never good for ya! Ask that gardener what he's been growing in his back yard!"

"And a reminder, folks, never to watch Attack of the Killer Tomatoes before a major murder happens. Now, back to actual news..."

Short Horror: Just Add Water (NSFW)

WARNING: The following post contains horror themes and material that certain readers may find upsetting. Reader discretion is advised.  

I was seven when Sea Dragons first became a "thing".

It was Christmas, and I'd done the usual seven-year-old thing of running downstairs too early in anticipation of what was under the tree. My parents, of course, made me sit down and eat breakfast first - thankfully, it was early enough that the single piece of toast wouldn't ruin the massive dinner they always had planned. But the wait was like torture to my young mind, the orange juice and peanut butter a physical barrier between me and the brightly-coloured gifts. And once I'd eaten, I dived upon them like a peregrine falcon swooping on an unsuspecting pigeon.

The Sea Dragons were the first thing I opened. My fitness fanatic Aunt had discovered them whilst browsing the internet for healthier alternatives to soya milk, stumbling upon the website of their owner, the Ursa Foundation, by accident. The logo of a bear's roaring head was prominent in the corner of the packaging, but I was more fascinated by the pictures of strange, arrow-headed creatures on the steel-grey box. For someone who had always wanted a pet, but knew the family could never own something like a dog, this was the best present ever.

As hackeneyed as the phrase is, if I knew anything that I did now, I would have thrown the things away as soon as possible.

Setting up the little, plastic egg-shaped tank was more complicated than it sould have been. The type of water didn't really matter, but first one had to break these little tablets called "purification pellets" into the water, to create the right conditions. After twenty-four hours, the eggs were added to the water, where they were supposed to hatch an hour or so after touching the watter - mine took a little longer, about two hours. Then the creatures that hatched had to be first fed with a powdery substance twice a week, five days after hatching, followed by strange pink pellets after the first five weeks...

What I'm saying is that it was a lot to throw at a small boy of seven. But it was worth it - with the tank in my window so that the Dragons could get enough sunlight, I soon had a small horde of strange animals swimming about in the egg. They weren't like anything I'd ever seen before, almost like tadpoles crossed with lizards, and it was fascinating to just watch the things swim around in the tank, chasing each other and doing loop-the-loops. It was almost surreal, like staring into an alien world.

According to the instructions, one sent off for more food and other items by signing the enclosed order form, stamping the logo of the Ursa Corporation onto the letter to ensure it reached the right place. On top of this, there were three major rules that simply had to be followed. These were spelled out in block capitals in the back of the booklet, giving something of a sense of desperate urgency.

1. NEVER CHANGE THE WATER IN THE TANK.
2. NEVER FEED THE DRAGONS ANY OTHER FOOD.
3. NEVER TOUCH THE DRAGONS WITH YOUR BARE HANDS.

Simple enough rules, right? Even when I was seven, I could rattle them off by heart - that's the sort of person I was. But as I was also a stupid kid, I often wondered; why would it be so bad if I broke one of those three rules? Would it be so bad to slip them a bit of pizza or hot dog, just to see what it would do? What harm would giving them fresh water do? What would it be like to hold one in the palm of my hand, to see it wiggle and writhe like a worm from the back garden?

I would later learn just how bad it was.

Non-Canon Silliness Shorts 1: Spell 'Me' (NSFW)

"Hey, Ash."

Ash didn't turn around. "Yes?"

"Spell 'Me'."

End of the Rainbow

WARNING: The following post contains material that may not be suitable for minors or work-based viewing. Reader discretion is advised.

~MASTERS FOUNDATION ARENA, MANHATTAN, USA~

 

"MI-KA! MI-KA! MI-KA!"

The chanting from the crowd shook the building almost to it's foundations, ringing through the steely air of the stadium. Beaming hugely, the masked, blonde-pigtailed wrestler bounced up and down where she stood over her fallen foe, waving her arms above her head in acknowledgement of the waves of hype pouring down over her. Her heart swelled with every repetition of her name, an almost childlike joy flowing through her as she took in the adoration from every man, woman and kid in the audience who were chanting along.

Now this, she thought to herself, is what I live for.