Pitsgiving 2

"So yeah, I'm with my family right now, in Ireland. It's... bigger than I thought it was.

"Yeah, I've been supporting them with the money I make from my films and games and stuff, and this year they decided to spend it on a big Thanksgiving thing at this great hall somewhere. And it turns out angel families can get quite extensive. The tables are full of 'em right now.

"...Oh, you'll love them, I promise! Well, not so much my dad, he's kind of- pfffft, yeah, a stick-in-the-mud. But Mom's really nice and hospitable, Grandad Reggie's a laugh - and I've got like loads of aunts and uncles and nephews and cousins as well! Like my Great Uncle Kain, who's - no joke - about seven and a half feet tall and bends iron bars over his knee! Yeah, not joking!

"Well, it's pretty much turned into a great big piss-up now, all traditional Greco-Irish, if that's a thing. People are lounging around on cushions and eating with their fingers, but there's great big cups of mead and spit-roasted meat and- yeah, not Dad. Saddo's got a table by himself because Reggie got table manners confused with military drilling. Pffffft.

"...yeah, I know. I miss you too. Look, someday, I'm gonna save up all my pennies and book a flight to Gensokyo or something, and I'll come over and see you. Or heck, maybe I'll buy you a ticket so you can come over! You can say hi to the family and see all Manhattan's got to offer, and check out the Zoofights history. You'll love it, I promise."

And that's when a somewhat tipsy Dirk leans over and taps him upon the shoulder.

"Yo, bro," he hollers a little too loudly. "They're setting the disco up soon, and Godfather Rafferty's gonna give out presents!"

"...Disco?" Pit looks incredulous. "Nobody said anything about a-"

"Cousin Monroe made it~!"

"...Figures. Right, I'll be there soon."

Dirk turns and heads back, veering only slightly, as Pit sighs and turns back to his phone.

"Sorry, I need to go. The family's expecting me. Big dance-off of some kind, I need to make a speech of a sort... Yeah, lots to do.

 

"Love you too, Okuu. Byeee~"

And so, Pit clicks off his mobile phone, stows it into his pocket and walks back down the corridor towards the Great Hall, where a lot of drunken singing is being heard.

Bear Accessories - A Killer Instinct Song

So Maximillian recently posted a silly video where he sings about Chief Thunder's bear costume parts in the new Killer Instinct, to the tune of Bare Necessities from Disney's Jungle Book, and you can find it here. Anyway, after watching it, I suddenly started making up extra lyrics for it, and now suddenly this is here. So get playing the video linked below and prepare to sing along.

Look for the Bear Accessories,
The simple Bear Accessories.
Forget about that ninja and his knife.

I mean the Bear Accessories!
The bear is dead, but he agrees
That brings the Bear Accessories to life!

Wherever you're playing,
Chief Thunder's your main.
So use those two axes
To bring the pain!

You can't do damage from afar,
So get in close and let us spar.
And when you're stomping on noobs like ants
Then take a glance at the fancy pants
And maybe buy a few!

The Bear Accessories of life will come to you!
They'll come to you!

Look for the Bear Accessories,
The simple Bear Accessories.
Forget about that werewolf's shitty life.

You need the Bear Accessories,
So bust those combos out with ease
To bring the Bear Accessories to life!

Now when you drop a Triplax
Cause you stood over there,
And your face Orchid's fist smacks,
Well, next time, beware!

Don't pop your ultra when you jump in!
When you pop your ultra, do it from the spin!
But you don't need to use the spin
For the Call of the Earth, you can just jump in!

Have I given you a clue?
The Bear Accessories of life will come to you!
They'll come to you!

So just try to relax, yeah?
Cool it, fall apart in Thunder's yard.
Because if you're like Glacius, playing keepaway...
Uh-uh. You're trying too hard.

And don't spend your time in the Dojo
Just messing around.
Trying for combos that can't be found.

When you find out you look swag with them on,
And play along climbing ranks with them on,
I'll tell you something true:
The Bear Accessories of life will come to you!

Look for the Bear Accessories,
The simple Bear Accessories.
Forget about that ninja and his knife.

I mean the Bear Accessories!
The bear is dead, but he agrees
That brings the Bear Accessories to life!

That brings the Bear Accessories to life!
 

100 Post Special: SK's Cutting Room Floor 2013

So, this is it. RP for 2013 is finally over, and we're off into the golden age of next year. And the best way to enter next year, as always, is arse first with eyes drunken gazing back on the events that have passed. Pairings have formed, controversies were had and jokes were laughed at, but as always there are hidden secrets - things that were considered to occur in RP but never panned out, for one reason or another. And depending on the number of characters involved, the amount of unused stuff varies.

And so, in post-RP tradition, and also in celebration of this being my 100th post on this blog, I would like to present the Steel Komodo Season 3 Cutting Room Floor, full of ideas and stuff that never got used for one reason or another. Hey, it's not Monster Mash, but at least it's something!

1) Section Zero refers to a place in Rutledge where the worst mutants are kept. In pain, insane and dangerous to themselves and others, they're hidden away in padded cells until a cure can be found for their condition. Robbie actually came from Section Zero - his psychic powers are actually quite deadly, despite being a shadow of what the Observer could do, and his cell was specially designed to dampen them in case he went as crazy as the others did. How did Daniel and Carol get him out? He's the only one allowed out for a few hours every day, so he can have a walk and stuff. Also, they give him Sparkle, which is a kind of depressant that some residents began making out of the wild mushrooms that grow outside Rutledge. Sometimes they give it to Section Zero inmates to stop them braining themselves against their cell walls.

There was also a sequence planned where, via UTG or sifter or whatever, some guys would have visteted Rutledge, probably because Robbie got kidnapped. You'd have learned a bit about how things worked there, and met the priest guy and stuff. Also, there was going to be a parody of this song when the mutants of Section Zero tell the Kobbers to take Robbie and GTFO.

2) The guy who runs Rutledge is a priestly guy who is partly based on Gill from Street Fighter 3. He's hoping that, somehow, he can find a way to make the mutants he has in his asylum to rebuild society, which is why I mentioned the activities Carol and Daniel did. His power is twofold - with one hand, he can awaken dormant memories or implant knowledge in a person's mind, and with the other he can either delete meories or edit current ones to make people forget. That second power is the most dangerous one, and he knew it, so he always gave people the choice, when it came to it. He didn't want to risk doing something he'd regret, with powers like that.

And yes, that power was themed on the Truth vs. Ideals thing Reshiram and Zekrom had going on.

3) I was gonna showcase Crusoe's "true" form at some point, but the best I could do was make a shitty recolour of Bills from Battle of Gods. So I said "fuck it" and never used it, because with Daniel's appearance being based on fanart of Bardock we already had enough DBZ.

4) Three Fears that never turned up due to the change in setting where the Plague Doctor, an eccentric old spirit of disease and plague who cared more about alien biology than winning the Grand Game, the Grotesque, a living embodiment of nightmares that would have most likely attacked someone in their sleep in the form of a nightmarish carnival, and the Deep, the Father of Fears who is actually either Poseidon or Jormungand. There was going to be an amusing scene with him where he invited visitors for tea and scones.

There was also going to be an appearance by the Quiet, the Fear of Nothing that is fated to wipe out all life on Earth after the War of the Fears occurs. There was going to be an end-game sequence after defeating Slender Man, where the Quiet turns up and thanks the Kobbers for preventing what was basically Armageddon. But I was so tired after doing the final battle I just said "fuck it" and didn't bother.

5) Swain and Mr. Scars were going to have bigger roles, but that didn't pan out due to time constraints.

6) Originally, the Killer Instinct character was going to be Sabrewulf, searching for a cure to his lycanthropy. I had been looking forward to writing scenes with him interacting with Lyall, and he would have eventually acquired the cybernetic arms from KI2 at some point.

7) While not mentioned in the Mega Post, Firebrand and Persolus spent some time recuperating on the ZFS before returning to Earth. They were also waiting for the heat to die down after Gorr'Rylaehotep and Barghest got so soundly trounced - the Fears would have been mighty suspicious after that.

8) I was originally also going to have a go at the Red Cap, but if you looked her up you'll know why I didn't do it. I also felt it would have been trying too hard to recapture the essence Dirk pre-taming - there isn't much that can capture that particular spark.

9) Concerning Dirk's book plot, it was actually going to be longer. Richard Longshore would have sued Dirk for attempted libel, and it would have lead to a courtroom scene that would have properly cemented the centaur author as a dick and a money-hungry egotist - a kind of mirror-universe Dirk mixed with General Cleft. This was also an opportunity for Dirk to call him out (i.e. quote more Nostalgia Critic) and end the plot on a more desicive finale instead of the off-hand newspaper review I had to do.

10) "Barghest" was an extremely last-minute name for Black Dog's entry into the Halloween Brawl. I could have used the names given in those documents, but I wanted to be a bit more creative. Also, those documents on Fears (at least, Black Dog's and Slender Man's) were actually written a long time ago out of boredom - I didn't anticipate CW and Harpy would actively go looking them up.

11) On the subject of those documents, there was a heavily encoded .zip file in there labelled "HABIT". I'm kinda glad you guys didn't open that one.

Basically, it refers to the character of HABIT from EverymanHYRBID. In ZFRP, Habit would have been one of Slender Man's servants, but not a Proxy - he was a guy with serial killer tendancies possessed by a Jigsaw/Hannibal Lecter-ish demon thing. Collectively known as Habit, they were a wild card in the Collective, and what hints I would give in the files lead to the conclusion that they are either dead for some reason or missing. One certain thing was that he was exiled from the Collective for... some reason or other.

12) There was a sequence planned where the Monster Hunters would have faced of against Dire Miralis. Who is basically the Monster Hunter equivalent of Satan. Alatreon was gonna play a bigger role as well, but then Stan got tied too much to the Society and the plot.

13) The plot point about Rock suffering a memory overload from absorbing weapon data from living beings was gonna be bigger, but there were so many plot things on my hands right now that I didn't want to do it. Also, I was totally going to pull a "Babe the Sheep Pig" and have Rock ask Sine if it was okay for him to call her mom. But I didn't do it because... I didn't want to.

14) Jewel Man was the only Robot Master I was sure of sending up on the outset. Guts Man and Plug Man were the result of a lucky Random.org roll. On the subject of Jewel Man, I was going to defy the stereotype and make him just flamboyant but straight, using his girlish mannerisms to mess with people's heads. But then I lost some brain cells to cider and now he's a horrible characature.

15) There was a bit after Chaosplot where Stan idly mentions tasting copper. If you paid attention in school, you'd know that's one of the first symptoms of an impending heart attack. I was gonna put Stan in peril, for once, so Gemma could be the one saving the day, but then I completely forgot all about the plot. No excuses of tiredness or alcohol here, I just completely forgot it was going to be a thing.

16) Also, to clarify, Robbie is a future version of the Observer, rendered powerless and amnesiac by the Cleansing - the event where the Quiet wipes out life to stop the Fears from fucking everything up. By being exposed to Robbie, the Observer became aware of what was going to happen and the change in timeline that was to occur. He had a plan to pull a Starscream and gain Gorr'Rylaehotep's powers for himself, to try and prevent the War of the Fears, but of course that didn't pan out.

And so there you go. Stuff that didn't make it into ZFRP, or was pushed aside for something else. Hope you enjoyed reading this, and if not then you can simply chase the memories away with a stiff drink. Kind of like what I'm doing right now :U

Rebooting Primal Rage: A Thesis

Those of you regular Chatzygoers may have had to endure me gushing about the new Killer Instinct, the reboot of the 90's fighting game series that most people don't really remember. Reboots as a thing are becoming increasingly popular nowadays - seems there's a big market for nostalgia, and one could indeed argue that Mighty No. 9 (which broke it's funding target in 24 hours holy shit) could be considered a reboot of Mega Man, since Capcom have no interest in the property anymore. With this in mind, I'm going to conduct a thesis on rebooting an intellectual property, one that hasn't seen much action since the halcyon days of the 1990's and probably deserves, out of all the ones I could think of, to get the modern upgrade treatment.

That property, predictably, is a fighting game. And that fighting game is...

...Primal Rage.

What?!
Primal Rage is an arcade fighting game developed by Atari Games and released in 1994. In it, one controlled not human fighters, but giant dinosaur gods struggling for control of a post-apoaclyptic "Urth" after a meteorite strikes the planet and wipes out modern civilization. With the seven characters divided into the "Virtuous Beasts" and the "Destructive Dinos", each one features it's own selection of unique special moves, as well as three gruesome fatalities to perform on defeated opponents. Another notable feature was the troupe of worshippers that followed your dinosaurs about, and occasionally could be eaten to regain health.

Whilst many point to Mortal Kombat as the sole progenitor of the Violent Games Controversy of the 90's, they forget that Primal Rage also had a large hand in the cause of the outcry and it's results. The gore in the game was frankly ridiculous - characters lost gallons of blood with every hit, the life meter was a heart that exploded when you lost and the fatalities themselves were often borderline tasteless. It was Chaos' Golden Shower finisher, where he dissolved the enemy to bones with his acidic urine, that resulted in many of the console ports becoming heavily censored, as well as the formation of the ESRB. To this day, nobody has been able to perfectly emulate the original arcade experience, due to unusual copy protection that has yet to be cracked.

Why?
The thing about Primal Rage was that despite being a clone of Mortal Kombat, it really took off. Atari had high hopes for making a franchise out of the property and pushed it as hard as they could with hundreds of home console ports, a trading card game and even tie-in action figures, which to this day are highly-regared and extremely saught-after collector's items. And while it didn't exactly gain mainstream popularity, the fact that it managed to carve out such a niche on it's own merits is certainly impressive and a sign that an audience for a remake certainly exists.

However, it simply wasn't to last. In the end, Atari simply gave up on the property, as it was deemed unprofitable due to the controversy surrounding it. This resulted in the cancellation of an update that would have outfitted the game with Necrosan, a skeletal alien dragon and the intended final boss, and the sequel, which featured Killer Instinct-style visuals, a new character called Slashfang and human warriors that could transform into the animal gods from the previous game. While the sequel was adapted into a novel, it was clear that Primal Rage had been abandoned as a future franchise.

Also, Killer Instinct got rebooted. If that game can, so can this one.

How?
Rebooting something like Primal Rage is no small task, so we're going to have to get straight to the bone of the matter and talk about the game mechanics first of all. A lot of the game was created in a mad attempt to distance itself from it's inspirations, Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter, and as such the system is a bit of a mess that requires something of an overhaul. Let's begin, shall we?

• Special Moves: This was the major thing that kept Primal Rage down. The commands for the Special Moves often required more than one button, and instead of traditional SF or MK controls, one had to hold down the attack buttons before performing the joystick motion. While this was remedied in later versions, and also indirectly lead to the creation of Negative Edge (look it up), the fact one needed to press multiple buttons made combos hard to remember and too complicated. In the reboot, Special Moves shoul be performed Street Fighter style, with the properites of the move changing depending on what button is pressed.
• Combos: Combos, while quite fast, tended to suffer due to the wonky nature of the Special Moves affecting the timing of Links. At best, Sauron could only pull off a maximum of 8 hits per combo, and while that's a lot in those days you couldn't get away with it in today's high-octane fighting-game market, unless you're Netherrealm. The introduction of String Combos akin to MK9 or Tekken would solve this issue, as this would allow characters to perform bigger and better combos whilst still feeling similar to the original game. Links would remain in as well, of course.
• Returning Mechanics: Several mechanics from the original Primal Rage would be kept in for prosperity, and also because of their use in the game. The short hop would remain, as it was vital for pulling of combos that required use of jumping attacks, and the Stun Bar, represented by a brain in the original game, would remain as well. The return of the edible worshippers would have to be considered deeply, as that could afford players too many advantages by recovering health.
• Super Bar: Like Killer Instinct and MK9, Primal Rage would benefit from include some sort of super meter into the mechanics. Not only would this encourage a more agressive playstyle in order to build it, but it would add an extra layer to the game's complexity that the original game sorely lacked. What it would be used for, besides the obligatory super attack, I am not sure of. That would be for more talented people to decide.
• Fatalities: It wouldn't be Primal Rage without the Fatalities. And just as MK9 got creative with it's Fatalities, so should Primal Rage. Sauron doesn't just eat you, he tears out your throat, then pins you down and rips out your beating heart. Armadon doesn't just electrocute you, he zaps your arms off and then takes off your head with his tail club as well. Diablo should burn opponents down to the bone, Blizzard should pummel foes to a pulp. Of course, classic Fatalities could make a comeback if there is enough interest.

But the mechanics are nothing if one has boring characters, and Primal Rage's cast of beasts were indeed the main draw of the game. Just like Killer Instinct, a reboot of Primal Rage should consider refining the characters into designated roles and removing the more over-the-top moves to prevent them playing alike. New characters would have to be created to buff up the roster, but here's a brief summary of the how first playable eight should be redesigned and updated.

• Blizzard: Include bracelets and armlets with mystical runes, ice-covered hands and feet akin to Sub-Zero. Very balanced character, has a move for any situation and can implement it easily. Shouldn't excell at one thing.
• Armadon: Cover him in dirt and moss, as if he's been sleeping under the ground for aeons. Make his design smoother and less cluttered, but still recognizably bulky. A grappler who excells at close range, can use electricity as a weak projectile.
• Talon: If we have to give a badass animal like Talon feathers, then make them big and flashy. He should have the feel of a Native American chief about him. A fast, nippy rushdown character with lots of mixups. Possibly a wall jump?
• Sauron: Base him on a stockier dinosaur than Allosaurus, make him somewhat bloated to reflect his role as God of Hunger. A zoning character that uses his sonic scream and weight to keep opponents away from him.
• Diablo: Make him look demonic, all horns and spikes and horrid outgrowths. Glowy eyes are a must. Another zoning character, this time utilizing teleports and different projectiles to confuse enemies.
• Chaos: Dress him in typical voodoo attire - bone necklaces, etc. Another grappler who also uses various status effects to curse others or bless himself. Whilst he should remain filthy and disgusting, this should be toned down massively from the original game.
• Vertigo: A more alien design would suffice, based on HR Geiger's works - more sleek and unnerving. A mixup character who has various tools to keep enemies on their tones. Should bring to mind Quan Chi from MK9.
• Slashfang: A bipedal smilodon who was going to appear in Primal Rage 2, but never did. A bulkier rushdown than Talon, Slashfang should excell at shoving opponents about and basically being a massive bully.

That's all I got for now. This post may be updated with more info in the future, so keep an eye on it. I may also create in-depth documents of how the characters should work and what moves and Fatalities they should have, if people are interested enough. Until then, feel free to discuss this in the comments!

Non-Canon Silliness 2: Llamas with Hats

"Caaaaarl, what have you done now?"

"Whatever it was, you can't pin it on me."

"You just took down the entire Society, Carl!"

"That wasn't me, that- that was robot me."

"I watched you do it, Carl!"

"Robot me looks like me. It's like the Terminator."

"It was definitely the real you!"

"Wow, really? Then I have accomplished in ten minutes what the Kobbers are taking three whole months to do. I should get a medal."

"Carl, I watched you drop a Starburst nuke into the reactor!"

"Honest mistake, I thought that was a trash can."

"How- You pushed the Table into the resulting explosion!"

"They kept whining about me taking the Starbust nuke!"

"And then you doused the barracks with gasoline and left it to burn!"

"I was hungy, gimme a break! I like my superhumans well-done."

"Uh, Carl... What's that?"

"What's what?"

"That thing. There, on your back. What is it?"

"Would you believe me if I said... it's a papier machie modern art project?"

"Not this again, Carl!"

"Fine. It's that Stanley kid and his girlfriend."

"Caaaaaaarl!"

"They- they attacked me first! It was self-defense!"

"You know you're not allowed to kill couples!"

"Hey, I kicked plenty off that cruise ship last year. You're only just telling me this now?"

"They had a puppy, Carl!"

"Emphasis on had."

"Uuuh... Carl, shouldn't there be escape pods?"

"Hmm. you're right. Place looks empty without them."

"What did you do, Carl?"

"Probably shot them all down with that rocket launcher I found in the hold. And I loaded it with the puppies I found in the room with the cages."

"...Why does that not surprise me?"

"Well, when you're out of ammo- woah, that was a hand. Did I swallow an entire person again?"

"That would probably be that Lamont guy."

"No wonder I feel bloated."

"You are just- Why did I even consider bringing you along for this holiday?!"

"In my defence, I was planning for this before we even booked the tickets."

"I- I don't understand you, Carl!"

"Well, I have a penchant for violence and extreme sociopathy."

"...Oh."

"I don't get how you haven't figured me out by now."

Monster Mash Round 2: Votes

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Fans and Haters, THE MONSTER MASH 199X IS BACK!

And this time, we've got something special planned for you all! Instead of waiting for every blood-soaked brawl to come to it's conclusion before setting up the next round of votes, our crack-team of market researches has suggested a SEMI-FINAL SPECIAL to get the crowds hyped! For a limited time only, viewers can now vote on all three of these epic fights coming to your screens very soon, decreasing the downtime between setting up battles! And if you vote right now, you'll get a discount on all GaiaCorp brand products and services, wherever online or at our lisenced merchandising booths! So what are you waiting for - grab your voting slips, size up our surviving competitors and give us your money!

Fight 1: Giant Octopus vs. Mega Python - The Tussle in the Tethys
Daidako hasn't been seen on duty since his battle with Centurion several months ago. His place in the fishing fleets appears to have been taken by a horde of smaller octopi - cheaper to produce but nowhere near the skill level shown by Sakana Co.'s finest creation. Then a business trip revealed something quite nasty; not satisfied with the our original blueprint, the Japanese government went ahead and performed their own gene-splicing, adding DNA samples from what they believe is a frozen sample of the legendary Kraken into the already-confused chemical soup of their mascot's genetics. They've promised the resulting combination, given time to grow and mature, will bring greater brainpower and tactical genius into the field. We merely retreated to our bunkers with bottles of water and baked beans.

Raja's been living even more like a king since his victory over Tiburon in his debut battle. Actually, he's been elveated to the title of God-Emperor ever since the previous one passed away of a sudden and completely coincidental heart attack, we swear. And while one would think a giant snake would not make a very good political figure, Mega Python has been astounding us with his sudden powers of psychic insight and skills at debating. He's already tackled issues on healthcare, crime and homelessness with startling finess, and political enemies are a non-issue - someone has to be sacrificed whenever he cuts a ribbon, after all. The holy order that tends to his every whims claims he has absolutely no worries about the upcoming competition, but considering we haven't actually seen him training, we're taking that with some salt.

Fight 3: Sharktopus vs. Gatoroid - The Encounter in the Everglades
Since his victory in Malibu, Clades has been promoted to the rank of Praefectus Castrorum, which basically translates to "cushy barracks and fancy food". As a precaution against the ever-increasing strength of enemy military forces and as a means to get an edge over the conbatants, the Greco-Roman Senate has ordered that Sharktopus be equipped and trained in the latest military weaponry. The orders to prepare for Round 2 came at a crucial stage in the training, and it's feared their champion may not have come to grips with his weaponry in time - all he's carrying right now is the standard infantry weaponry of a laser sabre, an explosive javellin, a dagger and a shield with a concealed machine gun. But there's a whole country's worth of swamp diamonds on the line, so of course they're staying in the competition despite the risks.

Gatoroid, meanwhile, has been undergoing a strict exercise regime on orders from the higher-ups at Mann Co. Every morning he gets up to have a wrestle with his owner Saxton Hale, adding yet another bruise or scar to his proud collection of wounds. Every afternoon is spent undergoing a tough regimen of push-ups, track running and pulling loaded freight barges with naught but his front teeth. And every night, he is treated to an entire warehouse's worth of raw, bloody meat mixed with performance-enhancing drugs and mild hallucinogens to increase his agression. Mr. Hale himself has made the bet that if his pet loses the semi-finals he will give everyone who voted for the shark a free hat. And we love free hats, right?

Fight 4: Mothman vs. Mansquito - The Brawl in Beijing
Samuel Escardo, formerly known as Mansquito, has been sighted in various territories since his destruction of Dinocroc. While reports are sketchy at best, it would seem that he has been heading in an easterly direction over the course of several months, heading towards the Communist China territories via wing, foot and train. Trajectory calculations made by our geographists and communications officers made a wild stab at his intended destination - the mountain ranges of Tibet, now host only to the various religious orders that have fled to escape persecution from the cruel hand of the new dictator to step into the throne. Someone suggested perhaps he's looking for enlightenment to his purpose by paying a vist to the monks and spending some time meditating, and then we punched him in the throat for being a twat. But we can't help but wonder...

Mothman? Don't fucking ask us. The less we see of that thing, the better. We've been getting scattered reports of it turning up at various conflicts - the War of Independance in Vietnam, the Red Sqaure Riots in Russia after the victory of Private Spinneret, the Boston Birthday Bash... but fuck that. It's all rumours and speculation and internet conspiracy theorists whining about aliens and shit. As far as we care, it's gone, vanished, crawled back into the slimy pit that was it's-

 

ŞtŲpId̴ ̡AnI͠m҉Al̷S̛.̛ ̶i'M͟ ͡cL͠oSeR ̕tHaN̛ ̨yOu͟ T̀hIn̷K̵.҉

 

KeEp T͡hO͏s̷E ̡eY͜e̢S̨ o͜P͡e͟N̕.͏ I͏ ҉w͝I̸l̛L bE ͢i҉N ̧y̕Ou͝R̢ d͠R͡e̷A͞mS͘ tOn̢I͠gH͡t̢...͟

͢
I aM ̡yO̡uR ͡nIg͏HtMaRe.́
̴
I ҉a͢M̢ ҉C̷òsm̧a̵r.

-which is how I almost died the fifteenth time!

 

VOTE NOW!

Non-Canon Silliness: It's Gonna Be Great

WARNING: The following is completely not canon at all, and is also very silly indeed. If you don't care for that sort of thing, skip this post and read some Monster Mash instead. If you do, go right ahead!

Also, this is a parody of a song owned by Disney, and is in no way an attempt to infringe copyright or make money off their hard work. However, I have no problem directing you to where you can listen to the song, if you wanna sing along to this. :P

SONG: It's Gonna Be Great

• Winnie the Pooh (2011)
• Written by Robert Lopez
• Sung by Jim Cummings and Bud Luckey

CHARACTERS: Stanley Rockwell and the Society.

MADDIE: Gonna fix you up - by the time we're through,
You'll be a part of the Society too!
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great!

Gonna work with us, digging up the woods,
And we'll show those Kobbers we got the goods!
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great!

STAN: Well, I don't know...

MADDIE: Oh, stop that gloomy rumination!
All you need is a little bit of modification!

STAN: Wait!
MADDIE: Why wait?!
Don't you see, it's gonna be great!
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great!

BARROS: (Spoken) Well, everything checks out, Stan. But now you have to learn to work with us.

SOCIETY MEMBER: When you learn to fly, you should take it slow,
So I want you to keep your swooping low!
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great!

STAN: (Spoken) Heeeeeelp!

SOCIETY MEMBER: If you're running fast, hit and tree and you'll fall, (STAN: Ooof!)
So you gotta duck and dodge them all! (STAN: Ouch!)
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great! (STAN: Aaaaargh!)

ABRASION: A perfect punch will make you feel alive!
Just go from a crouch into a lunging dive!

STAN: Ow! Ow! Ow!
ABRASION: You're getting it now!
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great!

CRYSTAL: Oh, isn't this better for your health,
Two of us working together?
I used to work all by myself,
But two is so much better!
(Spoken) Are you ready?

STAN: (Spoken) For what?

CRYSTAL: I'll! Be! The! Kobber, you'll be the soldier!
Gonna see which one is bolder!
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great! (STAN: Woah!)

You're gonna give me your best attack,
But don't you think that I won't fight back!
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be great! (STAN: Aaaah!)

Strike me down! Gimme all you got! (STAN: Ow.)
Bash me! Mash me! Trash me! Smash me!
Do it! Do it! Do it!
It's gonna be great, it's gonna be great, it's gonna be- WAAAAGH!

STAN: (Spoken) Oh my gosh, Miss Haywood! I'm so sorry, that was really-

SOCIETY: Greeeeeaaaaat!

STAN: (Spoken) ...I just wanna go home D: