Dirktionary 2.0

Hey, dudes! You already know how to swear as creatively as Dirk Angelos, or even seduce the ladies like he does. But suppose you ended up on a foreign country, or world, or a completely different universe, where all the things you know and love are twisted and wrong? How would you woo the lady types, or threaten death upon someone who overtakes you on the hard shoulder, or order a double-bacon burrito supreme with all the timmings?

HERE'S HOW, BITCHES!

That's right, folks! From the incredibly handsome(?) man(???) who brought you Johnny Raptor: The Greatest Man Alive and Red Gold and Other Mechspositionary Tales comes the updated release fans of Dirk have been begging for! Count Longardeaux's Dirktionary 2.0 is not just a beefier Dirktionary that's been at the burgers! It's the ultimate digital guide to not only learning how to soak up that dashing dark angel's charisma, but also to surviving in foreign lands that would kill the average person with lynch mobs and terrible food! Within these kickass titanium covers, you'll find:

• A Passionate and Emphatic foreword from noble publisher Count Longardeaux himself!
• "Please, please, PLEASE do not read zis book!"
• The Complete, Extended Unabriged Dirktionary with new and never-before-seen quips, sayings and witty put-downs!
• An Illustrated Visual Guide to important landmarks and buildings of interest!
• Handy Survival Tips when dealing with new food, different traffic laws and the occasional fold in space time!
• Even More Style and Dress Tips! Look as irresistable as Dirk even when you don't understand a bloody word anyone says!
• A Thorough and Exhausive Phrase List: Learn how to ask directions, insult or charm in over 48'000 different languages including:
• French!
• Enochian
• Klingon!
• Asari!
• Digital!
• Merspeak!
• Lower and Upper Hub!
• Non-Euclidian! (dear sweet jesus)
• Parental Controls in case Dirk's sense of humour rubs you the wrong way!
• A Special Acknowledgements Page: Dirk would like to thank a lot of people for helping him get known! (WARNING: 18+ Readers Only)

Here's just some of the things the critics have been saying about Dirktionary 2.0!

"Our sides were splitting!"
- Zoofights Chronicle

"Informative for all the right reasons, funny for all the wrong ones."
- Librarian's Ponderings

"Keep this out of reach of children, animals and wives."
- The Hub Guild of Writers and Readers

"...Sideways?!"
- That shmuck we pulled off the street

But just in case you're still not convinced, look who just put his own stamp of approval on this side-splitting publication!

 

"I, Saxton Hale, CEO of Mann Co., hereby approve of whatever the HELL this is!"

- Saxton Hale, CEO of Mann Co.

 

Count Longardeaux's

DIRKTIONARY 2.0

Available from all good(?) bookstores and as a digital download!